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| Alessandra Ambrosio, Crystal Renn and Brooklyn Decker in real life, posing. Source |
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| Same models on the cover of Glamour. Source |
Pah! - anyone can slice a chunk off their thighs and boost their boobs. I've decided to one-up them and Photoshop my life. This weekend I'm going to be the fab-est mum, wife and friend.
1. Fab Mum: Darlings, I've missed you these last five minutes, let's play rounders on the beach.
Kids: Oh Mother, we just want to hug and smile all the time.
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| Me and my kids. Photoshop: The High Schooler |
Real Mum: Could you smile for the camera for just one second without fighting? Then it's back to the bloody Kid's Club for you!
2. Fab Wife: Darling, I know how concerned you were about the birds eating your strawberries. I thought I'd ward off the birds while you were at work.
Husband: You're the best wife ever. Let's spend some quality time together this weekend building a bird cover.
Fab wife: Lovely.
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| Me guarding my husband's strawberries. Photoshop: The High Schooler |
3. Fab Friend: Greetings Peeps - guess what happened to me today?
Friends: Another fantastic anecdote? Jody, you're so fun and talented, we'd hate you if you weren't so nice.
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| Me and my "friends." Photoshop: The High Schooler |
Real friends: Oh brother, what a pompous old wind bag, we only put up with her because her husband's so sweet.
What would you like to photoshop into your weekend?
I am laughing as I type! I think you should do a coffee table book based on this post. Hilarious.
ReplyDeleteGood drinking time being wasted is a sin. Have a wonderful cocktail-filled weekend.
I will duly comply with exhortations! You too!
Deletethat is an awesome idea!! I think it would be even funnier after a few drinks, awesome post, have a fun weekend :)
DeleteI can't believe those models, makes me feel so much better about my bathing suit boot camp--which I'd photoshop myself into this weekend, but instead I'll be enjoying food and drink and thinking I should really get in shape for summer! Have a great weekend Jody!
ReplyDeletexo Mary Jo
It makes me feel so much better too, that's exactly what I was thinking!
DeleteHilarious. I'd photoshop my house in perfect order and my kids skipping around in our gorgeous landscaped yard, and my husband and I enjoying a drink on our awesome deck with an "outdoor" room and our labrador.
ReplyDeleteOh yes! I'd photoshop my hair and wardrobe, my chewed up finger nails and my entire house. Brilliant idea! I love seeing the before & after celeb shots,makes my day!
ReplyDeletei absolutely LOVE this post!!!!!!!! awesome.
ReplyDeletehave a great photoshopped weekend. gonna go work on mine... =)
Oh, Jody! So funny! I could use photoshop on my life too. ;)
ReplyDeleteLast night I was out with the husband for dinner. We bumped into some 20 year old friends of ours (ok then, the sons and daughters of friends). How I simpered as the girls feigned shock at my being a 37 year old mum. I was brought back to earth with a cruel thump when, at 11pm still with full make up on and basking in the glow of being mistaken for someone ten years younger, I skyped chums in New Zealand and was greeted with 'Jesus Rudd, you look like you've just pulled an all-nighter.'
ReplyDeleteAs always, reading your post makes me want to glug white wine with you and shriek with unladylike cackling at your cheery wit and self-deprecation.
You have inspired me to write a post about photo shopping.
Great to have you back, just headed over to yours for a good-old catch up. Sounds like Britain is treating you so well...Good on you
DeleteSo funny! Personally i'd like to photoshop in a bit of chef-y cooking ( to replace the fish and chips) and some general stepford wiving (to replace bickering over whos turn it is to change the nappy, weed the garden, clean the toilet and pick up fish and chips!). Have a photoshopily happy weekend x
ReplyDeleteOh, I do anything to get some decent Kiwi fush and chups
DeleteOh my gosh--- so funny!!
ReplyDeleteI would like to photoshop me moving into my new apt and my stuff having already arrived.... instead of waiting for up to 2 weeks and possibly being stuck in the hotel during that time (or in the empty apt on an air mattress!!!)
LOL That's awesome! You're so funny!
ReplyDeleteI love the thought of that! How clever. Mmmm.... Let me think a minute.
ReplyDeleteOh I know, I would be sitting with my feet up while my teens cleaned the house and car with smiles on their faces.
When in actuality they will be doing the minimum amount of work as possible!!
Love Di ♥
This is such a fun post and really made me smile. So interesting to compare the real life models with the cover shot - amazing difference. I think we just get used to the perfect pics and rarely get a glimpse of the real life ones.
ReplyDeletehttp://missbbobochic.blogspot.co.uk/
Brilliant idea! Of course, my husband isn't interested in me guarding the strawberries; he'd simply prefer more time in the biscuit! ; )
ReplyDeletePhotoshop my weekend? I think not. What can you photoshop when I'm the cutest Bear on the block?
ReplyDeleteYou have the harmoniously funny way of being the lovely fairy who appears in unlikely places.
ReplyDeleteYour magic wand can leave us in stitches.
Hilarious! My favorite is the pic of you and your four children. Now I don't feel so sheepish about my photoshop obsession.
ReplyDeleteNow don't get too silly.
ReplyDeleteA little fantasy in life isn't too bad.
Everytime I look at my Beloved, I see the mother of our children, and the most beautiful person in my life.
Sometimes, reality is just a little bit too harsh.
What a fantastic concept! I may have to nick this idea.....!
ReplyDeletei'd like to photoshop a giant nap into my laugh....
ReplyDeleteand maybe a cheese plate...
so funny!
I would photoshop myself into the kitchen where I can be seen tidying up and creating some culinary creation of note, whilst my other self is reading blogs in a guilt-free manner.
ReplyDeleteJust catching up on yours, Jody, so now know about your husbands strawberries and Cy's project (form your last post). I did write a very witty comment on your Queen and Joan Collins post a week ago but, bugger me, I must have forgotten the captcha so you will never know how funny I was.
great post honey, i know that photoshop is good but too bad!! it can be used correctly!
ReplyDeletexx
Wow! Interesting to see photo shop at work in that second shot. One of the photographers that works with some of the girls I know (the NFL crowd - they have to keep there bodies in fairly good condition .. in general) has said that if the model was photographed at a poor angle ( ie: showing an arm to be larger than in actually is) she will thin it up. Otherwise, if the photo depicts the actual proportion, she leaves it. I thought that was a reasonable way of doing things. I think most women realize the pictures in magazines do not represent the way someone looks in person. Models have a pretty facial structure and then it's wildly enhanced with make up, lighting, and photo editing.
ReplyDeleteThat first comment is great - the perfect coffee table book!
Enjoy your weekend Jody!
Leslie
Obviously a crash course in Photoshop is in order for me this weekend. If I'd only known that's what it takes for a perfect life. But I'm likely going to let the dust thicken over my to-do list as I sleep in and while away ...
ReplyDeleteHaaaaaaa! LOVE this post! Truly hilarious and thx for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteoh my gosh this is really funny!!
ReplyDeletekind of sad for the generation growing up trying to live with completely false standards ..
Grrr......photoshopped models make me cross...sometimes.....other times I just think about what bits I'd like 'erased or enhanced'....I am such a fickle person!
ReplyDeleteHaha..your photos are hysterical, love those!! I think it's silly really how people are so photoshopped in the photos, it makes no sense, no one cares. I rather see the real thing and give people healthier images to look at :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha amazing! Point well made! But I wouldn't mind photoshopping myself into a few situations every now an again :) xoxo
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! Can I photoshop a group of folk for a Jubilee party? I was Mrs Lonely Sad Sack all weekend.
ReplyDeleteHilarious ! I'd like to photoshop my old figure into my present knowledge of the world ! Thanks for the comment about my daughter on my blog, it was promptly conveyed to her and she loved it !xx
ReplyDeleteHaha! Hilarious! The photoshopping is out of control! Totally puts too much pressure on women!
ReplyDeletexx
You make me laugh! I am right there with you on trying to get the kids to smile for 1 second for 1 photo!
ReplyDeleteYou are sooo funny. I would photoshop OUT all the dirty dishes and shoes left on the floor.
ReplyDeleteThat's hilarious! But I do have to say that I hate, hate HATE how magazines photoshop the models. Kids don't see that.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand it! Every thing about this is hysterical! I started laughing here and never stopped. "Then it's back to the bloody Kid's Club for you!"
ReplyDeleteI like to photoshop a really awesome boob lift! Then maybe a nip/tuck around the waist and a neck re-do. I should hire your high schooler for all my photos.
you are hilarious! i love this. i'd like to photoshop more time into my weekend. i wonder if your high schooler can do that for me!?
ReplyDeletei'd love to photoshop my life and have a publicist too!
ReplyDeletei don't know how to photoshop, i wish i did b/c then i prob would. i know a lot of bloggers that do use photoshop and i'm pretty jealous of them.
xo
janet
ps - i'm your newest follower!
hahaha!!!! (that's my version of "lol" :))
ReplyDeletei would simply like to be photoshopped on my couch (away from any and ALL purging/organizing/garage-cleaning projects) DRINKING WINE (which is currently all the more enticing at the moment, since it's been 5. weeks. since i've touched it.
you are SO not an old windbag!!! (i've yet to meet you, but i'm absolutely sure of it!!
Kudos to you! I would both be the angry bird AND the scarecrow in my husband's garden if I stopped drinking for five weeks...
Deletehahahaha....I couldn't stop laughing (it's midnight here) and hubby thought I've gone nuts. Probably from spending too much time on my laptop. Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe how skeletal Alessandra is. The other two actually have bellies and thighs like real women!
LOL Great pictures! And thanks for posting that picture of those models. Made me feel better about not going to the gym this week. :) xo style, she wrote
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. I think photoshopping models to that extent should be banned. It puts undue pressure on those insecure and inadequate with their imperfections to take unnecessary risks to improve their bodies, such as crash diets, botox and inplants.
ReplyDeleteLove your photos! If I could shop this weekend it would be for all the weeds to ahve disappeared frm my garden so I could sit by the pool with a glass a wine.
You are so funny!! I love your pictures!!!
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous week!! xoxo
You make my day. I wish I could be part of your core group. I bet there's never a dull moment! :)
ReplyDeleteutterly brilliant....and hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteA Balenciaga and a super cute boyfriend! :P
ReplyDeleteSo funny I do agree the photoshop does put great pressure on people. However I could do with a little help after my excesses on holiday.
ReplyDeleteAs usual, your post made me laugh out loud! I think I would photoshop several naps into my weekend. I can't believe the top photo - wish I could wear a bikini like those gals - except for the one on the far left. Egads, that girl needs to eat a few donuts, stat!
ReplyDeleteJody,
ReplyDeleteLove those pictures! It's bogus isn't it all this photoshopping? We are holding ourselves to these standards that don't even exist! Love to see more real shots of these supposedly perfect people!
In the meantime, I figured out how to use iPhoto to remove the wrinkles from my neck on my own photos. It's the best. Seriously. Is that bad?
xo
Kim
You always make me laugh out loud. I just adore you.
ReplyDeletethese photos are so fun!!! i really love them! :D
ReplyDeleteto answer your question, i think i'd photoshop myself into diamond jubilee celebrations over in london -- i was watching the coverage on tv, and it looks so fun!
<3, Mimi
http://whatmimiwrites.blogspot.com/
$100 Shopbop Gift Card Giveaway -- Open internationally!
haha love these!!! I'm busy packing and moving... i'd like to photoshop myself into my new house - fully decorated with all the stuff I've collected on pinterest!
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Ah! Jody, you are so hilarious! I only have one and he's barely walking but I'm still stunned by the chaos that even one little monster create. This week he mastered the art of removing his own diaper only he is not potty trained. Oh dear.
ReplyDelete