Monday, February 14, 2011

Slacker Mum

I think I'm really close to winning! Yes, I've finally beaten out all the other contestants! I would be excited except it's a First Place that noone else wants. You see I'm the Slackest Mum in the Land...well in my street anyway.

The children affected are Harley, 13 and Cy, seven. Though some will weep for poor Tallulah, nine, and Jackson, 11, too.

The facts: it took me nearly 19 hours to take Harley to ER for his arm which turned out to be fractured in two places. And I failed to organise a proper seventh birthday party for Cy. There. I've said it. I have spent the last 13 years of my life driving them to sports, movies, parties, playdates and the doctors, but - let's face it - these two incidents will be the ones remembered. Forever legend. In the ledger of life I am now a serious debtor.

It started when Harley called me at 2pm to say he had fallen down some stairs at a friend's house.  They were doing some community work nearby. "I'm okay Mum, I'm fine, it's just my arm and it barely hurts. I'll just sit here for an hour until everyone is ready to go home." I should have been on the alert because Harley never makes a fuss about anything and the stairs were steep.

Arriving home I found Harley contently watching the Warriors on TV. I said out aloud: "Maybe I should take you to ER".  Over the years I have spent many, many leisurely hours in ER reading 2001 editions of AAA magazines. We have frequented these rooms for countless foundless phantom aches and pains and, several times when the kids were babies, simply for ... gas. So when Harley said: "It's fine, it's fine!" I took him at his word.

The same day was Cy's birthday. At first light, his cherubic little face appeared beside me in bed. "Mum" the small, high voice whispered shyly: "It's my birthday today. I'm seven".  Oops, I had forgotten to make a special breakfast. That night I had somehow scheduled a meeting at a friends' house but thank goodness she had ordered Cy a pizza and sugary treats. This had to count - "Cy - are you enjoying your birthday pizza?" asked his concerned mother. And then I took the kids home and went out.

My mother emailed me later, "I didn't see anything in your blog about Cy's birthday?" Oh, I said, remember that bouncing we did a couple of weeks ago? Followed by a couple of donuts? That was... it." Cy invited a couple of friends to the bouncing, but I allowed his siblings to invite a friend too, so in the tomes of our family history that will not be counted as a proper birthday.

I tried to make it up to them this weekend in Tahoe. Harley couldn't ski so stayed back at our rented cabin in Tahoe Donner . To while away the day I taught him to wash the pots by hand and drew him a map to the grocery store so he could fetch a frozen pizza. What a brilliant Mum!

Eventually though, Harley was itching to get out and suggested a few runs on the gentler slopes at Alpine Meadows. The boy in the photo below has the same jacket as Harley, but couldn't be him as that would make me a very bad mother indeed.

The doctor specifically said Harley was not to play basketball, so this could not be him on the left playing Nerf  in the garage of our ski cabin.

On the way home from Tahoe last night we stopped at In'n'Out Burger.  This place is a veritable Californian obsession and people rave about it. I don't get it - the chips are like cardboard and I dislike the pink gunky sauce on the burgers. But the kids love it and hopefully the burger memories will over-ride my other transgressions.

Today Harley is at home feeling groggy, maybe a touch of  flu? A friend just called and asked hubby and I us around for Valentines' dinner. I know I should probably stay home. But my friend is cooking lamb! And creme brulee! What to do? Hmmm...Let's face it, I'm a front runner for Slacker Mum title, may as well go for the gold...


  1. your stories crack me up! you're being too hard on have 4 kids for goodness sake...i can barely keep my life together and i've got none!

    enjoy your vday dinner...sounds delish!


  2. if you're the queen of slacker moms, i may need to borrow your sash and tiara the time i forgot to perform my tooth fairy duties and when campbell, crying hysterically, asked what the heck could have happened to her, i told her to go look in the bathroom (why? i was stalling...) and quickly went outside and taped a dollar bill to the window, explaining that we had double-bolted the door and she couldn't get in. your sash comes in navy blue right?

  3. Email me your address so we can get you the L'Occatiane gift. Congrats again! :)

    xo Marcie

  4. It once took my wonderful Mom a week to get me to the hospital with a broken arm (I was a bit too tough!)... hope that makes you feel better!

    Happy Valentine's... enjoy!

  5. Yes, don't be so hard on yourself, although I loved this post! I fractured my ankle in soccer and my mom took me, I think, months later when I still complained of it! The dr was like, welllll, there isn't anything we can do about it now. It still hurts sometimes! hahaha. Also, I was one of four kids ;)

  6. Thanks for stopping by my new blog, Jody!

    I don't know, I think I could definitely compete with you for Slacker Mom of the Year... ;) I always believe, if nothing else, at least we give the kids good stories to tell later on in life!

  7. I never want to take my children to the doctor and always think they are over reacting. And I don't like planning kiddie parties. You are still a great Mum

  8. I have lost track of how many birthdays we are behind on.

  9. Oh gosh you make me laugh. Seriously. If you're a bad mom you're in good company here. :)


  10. wow 4 kids :)
    love to hear your story all the time!

  11. Honestly I have a feeling Cy and Harley's friends probably think he has the 'coolest mum in the world' as it's always the cool kids who get to play nerf with a fractured arm and have pizza at other people's houses on their b-days. Trust me, I grew up here, it's true! Hoping you had a delicious valentine's day!
    xoxo mary jo

  12. I could list endless reasons, why it really is "I" who deserves that award, but I because I know you've worked extra hard for it, I'll give it up. =)

    Seriously, it is purely refreshing to read about another slacker. Good for the ego, and spirit!

  13. My cousin and wife were in town visiting and today put me into a tailspin. I sent the kid off to school for a Chinese New Year parade dressed in gray and black (uh, they were supposed to wear RED not dress like Raiders fans which is sacrilege in my house anyway), forgot his raincoat....they walked around the school and he was one of the poor kids who got SOAKED, he was horribly upset that ALL THE OTHER FREAKIN MOMS were there but I was not (had to get a massage and visit my chiropractor), and then while at Tae Kwan Do practice (sparring class...yet i feel like i was the one getting kicked....) I got a text from one of his best pal’s mom’s that we were missing his BIRTHDAY party. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I just simply forgot yet all I wanted to do was cry. I still managed to get out to breakfast with said cousins, make two trips to Emeryville, hit Diablo Foods, prepare/marinate/chop/etc for a dinner were having tomorrow w/friends we haven’t seen in a million years. That counts for something right? Still I feel horrible. Conversation w/mom of bday boy was kind of stilted. Booo hoooo hoooo. trying to be an A + mom is not possible. I should just realizing settling for the B is damn good enough. I overbook and overschedule. How on earth do you manage 5, sometimes 6 schedules? I’d honestly be in the loony bin.

  14. Jody- Strong cast and happy boy! Funny how kids are a full time job that you can never do all that well sometimes!



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