Monday, June 6, 2011


How much cash is this? Who knows? The other "me" knows...Well sorta "other me" -  it's the person who previously owned my supposedly new phone. But now I feel we're linked... he's left all his pictures and his favourite songs on my phone.

Found on my phone
To explain: we had bought what we thought to be a brand-new Android phone on ebay. My very first smartphone. I took my first photo on Saturday night and found his pictures already there. This cash. Loads of pictures of a man in a public bathroom kissing the cash. More cash. There's one where he has a heeeuuuge gun. (It's a toy gun, my husband Kevin said. Hmmm.)

Next day the kids discovered his music and we danced in the kitchen until I actually realised what the lyrics were. (If you're looking for the picture of me doing the Dougie,  that's a treat for another day.) Money, guns... You might be suspicious of my other phone self...but I'm sure he's not a gangsta but rather a man adept at his two primary hobbies; paint ball and monopoly.

I do strive to be my Oprah-esque Authentic Self. But what if you have more than one self? Not in the United States of Tara way...for me it's the disco duck followed by the disco napper.  I would go out every night if I could. Last week I thought was a quiet one but I actually went out four nights.

During the day I am a solitary soul happily whiling away the hours, padding around the house or reading under my duvet. Some might feel this second authentic self is bloody lazy. Dear readers, I prefer to consider these unproductive days as untutored meditation.

This week both Tallulah, 10, and Jackson, 12, had a birthday - Geminis and consequently there's four wee personalities with plenty to bicker about.
"Will you two stop fighting?" (anyone around them)
Tallulah: "We don't fight that much"
Jackson: "Yes we do, all the time!"
Tallulah: "What about yesterday?"
Jackson: "We fought all the time!"
Rotate that loop...

Jackson's birthday: This photo is posed.
Tallulah's Birthday
I have to say Cy, seven, is never too far from his one authentic self. Here he is on Saturday elated after a torrentially rainy soccer game, eagerly awaiting the team snack.

Here is his face when we tell him the designated snack parent (probably us) forgot to bring snack.

But sometimes his thinking is more elusive...
What goes in that little mind?" says Kevin as we drive away from the field, Cy asking his usual million questions about road signage, NBA players, road signage.
"Well...lots of things" Cy ruminates and then confides: "But sometimes it's so boring in there. You know, sometimes I ask you questions when I already know the answers."

And what am I doing about the monopoly-winning paintball-enthusiast on my phone? There are three of us in this relationship. And it's getting a bit crowded. His photos have to go, but I'm keeping the playlist. Check it, I feel disrespected and (something something) I have your number on ID... Fabolous Fat Jo yeah...check it..(something, something)

Do you have two authentic selves? Or just the one?


  1. I also would go out every night if I could. And have every day bursting at the seams with adventures bound up in an itinerary (I am SO my father's daughter).

  2. Oh I totally do!! By day I'm a lawyer & by night I'm a photographer -- two totally different personas, but they get along at least :-) It does make me feel a bit United States of Tara though -- really funny post as usual! I love your blog.

  3. oh I thought you were going to say you opened the box and it was full of cash!! Almost as good. :-)

  4. I got a fright when you said you did the Dougie - that's my husband's name!

    And I'm looking at the photo of your children in the kitchen and only noticing the cabinets, so is my obsession with kitchens at the moment!

  5. Absolutely loved this story! Oh the stories we can come up with those photos! They do say a picture is worth a thousand words right? Loving your blog! Have a great day.

  6. This post made me laugh! Did you keep the "new" phone or send it back? Happy Birthday to your beautiful children!

  7. omg, I have about 17 authentic selves--don't ask {and not in the united states of tara way}, like today I was the compulsive cleaner, shining the oil rubbed hardware in the bathroom with homemade paste, thinking hmmm, this homemaking stuff is not bad--when the cat threw up on every step of the white carpet and that personality has abruptly disappeared. Sorry, tmi. Anyway, I LOVE the fact that your phone's previous owner was obsessed with photos of money and toy guns. It's the best thing I've read all day! Thank you for that!

    p.s. Anyone who has 4 kids is not lazy!

    xo Mary Jo

  8. I think I have 23492304 authentic selves. I have so many different sides to my personality. It makes life totally interesting.
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

  9. I recently had a recently divorced friend tell me (in so many words) that we could no longer be friends because she was making changes to become her "authentic self". Say what?!?!? I wondered where she heard such poppycock (other than the man with which she was having an affair) and now understand it came from Oprah.

    Of course!!!

    I think I was born authentic and have never struggled much with who I am. Maybe that is yet to come. Or maybe some just don't have as much of a struggle with that particular issue. Who knows.

    I do know that I do not have that much cash! But I do love that your "new" phone was previously owned by a mob boss!

  10. Kia Ora Jody - Thank you for dropping by my journal and leaving a comment!!! Your Blog is a great gateway to a NZ'er living in America, particularly enjoyed your article about old gold, what a classic. Thanks for the compliment about my bio, by the way. I love a good ol' O.B lol. - Best price, best quality, delicious taste. California is said to be a good wino place too. (Lucky I'm not there, or I'd be all over town.) Well, hope you have had a great week so far. I'm off to Montpellier, another city in France (tomorrow) and then upon my return, I'm leaving for Florence and Venice, very excited to head back to Italy. Enjoy the rest of your weekend! :) C i a o

    Happiness. Travel. Lifestyle...
    - Dakota

  11. great post. i love the face of the kid when told there's no snack...

  12. That is hilarious! Big balla with all those shots of cash.. at least you got some good music out of it ;)

  13. Bahaha - I seriously laughed hysterically at that first paragraph. Really curious about this guy. A gun - really?!

  14. PUHLEESE! TWO authentic selves... I am like the United states of Tara ~ there are many! GREAT GREAT post!!!
    Really made me think!
    Have a pretty day!

  15. Two selves? Nah, I think I have twenty. I certainly have had many lives and my daughter says I have four feet - one in NZ, Australia, Fiji and UK - for all the places I've lived. It's the pulling all these different sides of ourselves together that's the tricky bit. x

  16. Haha that is so crazy about the phone!!!
    and yea...I definitely have more than one authentic self. One is really quiet, hardworking and yea...and the other is crazy :p

  17. Seriously, you should reset the phone to factory condition because there may well be other stuff on the phone like bugging software.


  18. That was so fascinating about the phone! I think Nick's comment is wise, though.

    I think we all have more than one self no matter what the star sign.
    Thanks for the visit. You have a lovely blog and I like meeting new people.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  19. I love the humor in this post - I couldn't help laughing out loud!

    After thinking about it, I believe I may have two authentic selves as opposed to just one, as well! :)

  20. gosh, I was sure we all had multiple selves... is that not the case?! Just makes us more well rounded...

  21. Its hard to live with too geminins too!

  22. Love the last picture! haha so funny and great post :D

  23. those pictures you found on your new phone are totally bizarre!

    ...and happy birthday to your 2 cuties!

  24. YES!

    ...the 'professional' self
    ...the 'napper' (as you call it) self
    ...the 'gourmet/sophisticated' self
    ...the 'Kraft mac & cheese/discount store' self

    And many more (the leader, the follower, the worrier, the laid back/carefree...

    {love your post :)}

  25. "Paintball and Monopoly"...brilliant stuff :) Great writing, keep it up.

  26. Being a Gemini and having a Gemini daughter is always a laugh! (For us....) Living with THREE bleedin' Leos is not always so funny!!!! Talk about demanding!!! But I do think we all seem to have a multi-personality thing going on here. This house is Bedlam!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...