Monday, November 12, 2012

Sh*t My Kids Say

More sweary stuff...We were rudely awoken by Cy at 4am on Sunday morning who mistakenly thought it was get-up time. We heard him head into everyone elses' room looking for his soccer shorts. Cy must have received a whack from some unappreciative sibling because he suddenly howled: "What the F*%K is wrong with you?!!"

The cast of "characters" in our kitchen

Cy has the mouth of a Real Housewife who's denied her grand entrance at Villa Blanca, I mumbled to my husband who was silent. No suggestion of "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" - he's far too wise for that.

When it's finally proper getting-up time, Tallulah, 11, starts her throat clearing, which is her latest "thing." She was horrified by a girl who had a croaky speaking voice, which inspired the Ahhhaghmmm's. (Apparently these "things" can continue to age 15) Cy's latest thing is that he goes to the toilet every ten minutes. So throat clear, toilet flush, throat clear, toilet flush.

If Cy swears like shite, Harley is the ultimate shit stirrer.  Just as I'm coming into the room he'll say: "You guys I won't hear a word against Mom, and have you noticed how fantastic she look these days? Like she's only 40! Oh shhh... here she is now!"

Most nights Harley tucks Cy into bed which we've always thought was quite heart-warming until one evening we listened in. Harley whispered in Cy's ear: "Sleep well tonight little boy, for tomorrow I'm going to kill you." This was obviously a firm tradition -  Cy chuckled and immediately fell into to a deep and peaceful sleep.

This weekend Teddy, our little puppy, started barking at one of his stuffed bears and we didn't know why until I distractedly turned the bear over. We averted our eyes as Teddy started vigorously humping his formerly platonic pal. "Oh look how he snuggles with him afterwards, though" one of the kids said.

After all the soccer nonsense, we had Bakesale Betty fried chicken sandwiches for Saturday lunch. Betty is an Australian who wear a blue wig and her store, which has no sign, sells only chicken sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies and has 30 people lining up out the door every day to early arvo. People eat outside on old ironing boards.

Tallulah and Kevin waiting at Bakesale Betty's

All the food groups represented here

Our kids - who despite all our East Bay-ish efforts - are the champions of the White Food Movement exclaimed: "Finally! A decent lunch." I looked at the fried stuff accompanied by cookies and donuts from Dolly's -  the ones with the "naughty cream" - and there was no denying all the food groups were there.

Tallulah got her first pair of Converse high tops this weekend. "When you have a great pair of shoes on, it feels like you can do anything" she said. Oh that apple didn't fall far from the tree...

Tallulah with her new high tops

On Saturday night Harley went out for dinner with another family with four kids. "They are just like us" he told me "But much happier." Three of our kids agreed that after living in our family they will never have children. Except Cy. "I'm going to have four kids" he says "Kids are awesome."







49 comments:

  1. I haven't had such a laugh in a long, long time. I feel like I love your kids. Please keep sharing. But ummm ... they can live with you. ;)

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    1. My friend said Cy's bedtime reminds her of a combo of Brady Bunch and Reservoir Dogs

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  2. I think my gang would love Bakesale Betty's also:) Have a great week!
    ~Anne

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  3. No sign, two food choices, a business no no. AND a line out the door... a marketers dream!

    Love you sharing ALL the details. :-) Tee Hee....

    Cheers!

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  4. Brilliant. I laughed out loud at Harley and Cy's bedtime routine. I can see this happening with Ben & George as they get older.

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  5. I always laugh when I read your posts--the bedtime story was just the best. That lunch looks amazing, I think I need to stop in for a chicken sandwich on my next visit.

    xo Mary Jo

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  6. "Just like us...but much happier" This is hysterical. When I was a kid I always used to think/hope that I was adopted and that my real parents were going to show up any day soon! At least they're not at that stage! I so need a Bakesale Betty in my life.

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  7. My brother used to try and do away with me regularly. He didn't succeed... I used to long to belong to another family that didn't have a psycho bro, or go to a girls only school like the ones in the old school story books my mother had where they all had exciting adventures and jolly japes.

    Funny how you can feed your kids delicious healthy food and all they long for is crap. *sigh*

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    1. "Jolly japes" is my new favourite phrase, that is a new one on me

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  8. It's all going on at your house, including Teddy humping teddy!
    Tallulah's high tops look very cool. Am I too old for these? Probably.

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    1. You're never too old for High Tops, Trish - and doesn't Sam Cam (Brit first lady, for our American readers) wear them on the weekend? Go for it!

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  9. I will tell your kids that they have it pretty good; at least they get new purple shoes and lunch out! My house was more reminiscent of "Lord of the Flies", growing up with 5 brothers and a sister. we ALL wanted to be only children...Brady Bunch Gone Awry!
    ALAS - we are all very close now, although we retreat into some of the old roles & teasing when we get together (I don't even REMEMBER being a vapid cheerleader, honestly!), and we've given our parents 18 grandkids between us, despite vowing that WE would never have kids, either. SO, i guess there's hope for your brood, Jody! keep up the good work:-)

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    1. Laura - you were a cheerleader - yes it all makes sense now. I will insist on seeing you doing the splits when next we meet over a cocktail.

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  10. I try to read your posts when no one's around. The hubs and Lil L thought I was mad when I started laughing hysterically at my laptop on several occasions. I guess it's never a dull moment in your household. I only have just the one but during the holidays, I can have up to 7 kids who act like they're on speed in my 2 bedroom flat. To think that I have only 1 child....meaning life was going to be peace and quiet.....Yeah, right!

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    1. I remember those years in a two-bedroom London flat up five flights of stairs and no back yard, raining, the kids and their friends running around and raising hell. I remember those as the good times.

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  11. So so funny, I love your posts!We have a shit stirrer in the house, she's only 9 but is regularly heard shouting "Aaargh! don't hit me again, Ow you're hurting me!" Whilst shouting her brothers names - they're often not even in the room!

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  12. Totally hilarious. Harley's tuck in made me laugh out loud. My 2 aren't nearly as funny as your four. They used to crack up up, but now they're moody teens---arggh.

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  13. Your kids are really well balanced and happy.....you can tell....and I love the colour of the high tops.

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  14. I am snorting coffee through my nose, thanks!
    Your family is hysterical, I have two only children and it is not quite the same, but I agree, the stuff kids come up may be better than any comedy show.

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  15. I bought my first pair of High Tops this year in New York and I LOVE them! Soooo comfortable even though my kids describe them as "a bit dykey"( with apologies to Dykes everywhere). And as for the swearing - well you've read my blog....swearing runs in my family.

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  16. I have a shit stirer, curser, dog who humps certain blankets, a husband who can act deaf in the heat of a battle, children who would prefer a takeaway any night to any of my dinners because they are too healthy of course I'm the only sane one in my mad house. Glad your family sounds like mine

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    1. Inge, your mention of "Blankets" reminds me I must wash teddy's friend Mr Bear! I've given up on making full dinners for them, but Jackson asked me the other night whether I knew how to cook...you can't win.

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  17. "But much happier" -- that's classic...

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  18. Your kids actually do sound pretty awesome - all full of joy and personality and all seem to get along with each other fairly well, what a win (potty mouths or not)!

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  19. Well there you have it Jody! Lol! So funny.. it's the vision we have as a young couple contemplating starting a family. After one comes along we think .. so sweet, cute, innocent..and then we have more! The boys are hysterical! It is what it is and some things never change.

    Tallulah looks adorable in her first pair of Converse high tops :)

    leslie

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  20. LOL your kids are so funny!! I'm always so thrilled to come back and read your posts, it makes kids my shit say not too bad! I actually told them it wasn't so bad if they say shit but I didn't want to hear the f or b word...ever! They thought I was awesome for letting them say shit! LOL! Well Im sure they do use these words with their friends just not in front of us! My daughters love the low converse, but my feet look like boats in them! Your daughters purple ones look great! xoxo

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  21. Your kids are brilliant, I love it!! Some of the things that come out of their mouths are colourful, haha! Love converse, the shoes are so sweet!! Am glad she's enjoying her new shoes...I hope you have a marvellous week xox

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  22. My 2 will be foul mouthed once they cotton on - OH is all for it - he considers these words essential for true expression - and someone in my family must have been a sailor. My 2 are going through the stage of bursting into tears and pointing the finger at the other saying 'it was all their fault' - the hair cutting incident the other day was a prime example:) x

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    1. OH is in good company, lots of the British actors say in interviews they don't mind it when their kids swear, that they are using the full Englishe language as organic as it is!

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  23. you are cracking me up - as always!!

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  24. hahahhaa--- don't you love all the different personalities that still somehow each represent a piece of you? I think I am especially fond of the brotherly love :)

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  25. I remember some movie where someone would get tucked in like that every night, complete with the "sleep well, tomorrow I'll probably kill you." But I can't think now what the title was.

    Your family sounds awesome. I wish I had one of my own.

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    1. We've obviously seen it and unconsciously modeled ourselves on that very movie... You need to remember it now!

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  26. Ha! mine are so little and cute at the moment I have it seems been lulled into a false sense of security....so this is my future!

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  27. Hilarious. And I note that the photographer is a Hargis. Given that there was only one Hargis in the USA back in the 1600's, we must be related by marriage. Small world!

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    1. And a great bloke he is too (currently teaching photography in Dubai...for his sins as we say...)

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    2. Toni - I also love your new post on the differences between the language here in the US and in England. I will forever snorchorkle into my latte when someone here says "fanny" which in Kiwispeak means ladyparts.

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  28. Such a marvellous household. Domestic tranquility personified.

    Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration.

    Blessing and Bear hugs.

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    1. Yes, its always so peaceful here. And I'm always so in charge....

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  29. I love your kids! My kids are appalled by my language from time to time - something else that went to sh!t when I turned 40 - but they are such rules followers that they never say anything bad themselves. My house is boring. Snoozeville. And now I'm dying for a chicken sandwich from Bakesale Betty's - I just love joints like that!

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    1. Yay for the rule followers, I like the sound of your children!

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  30. I laughed throughout this post. Thanks for brightening my day.
    And yes, a good pair of shoes can make you a WonderWoman.

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  31. Good grief. You have the best family ever. What I really love is that you actually tell the truth about what the kids do. None of this "my kids love each other and they are so respectful of each other". Thanks for keeping it real so the rest of us feel okay with our crazy brood:)

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    1. Yes there are those with respectful children who are constantly "blessed"...

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  32. Your household must be in stitches most of the time, I'm betting!

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  33. hilarious...I was crying laughing by the time I got to the end of this! Your kids are such characters!

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