Thursday, March 28, 2013

Spring Break

Yesterday we headed off to a five-night ski vacation in Squaw, Tahoe. After just one night stay I loaded the kids back into the car and drove home. Why, you may ask?

Mofo Mama cuts short Spring Break

My kids have three different Spring Breaks so I planned to take the two youngest boys and Kevin and the other two would join us for the weekend. The future was not bright: reports of rain, no snow and rocks galore, but the place we'd booked would only allowed cancellation with two weeks notice.

After a three hour drive and majorly demented by dehydration, I pulled up to Tahoe's Safeway grocery store and allowed the two boys to pile up our cart with sugar cereal  - aka "crack for kids" -   thereby propelling them onto a high-low roller coaster.

The loft we'd booked turned out to have the unremitting heat of a Brazilian jungle without the calming effects of a frosty Caipirinha and we tossed and turned all night long.

This morning: two hours of nagging the boys into their ski clothes, then Jackson couldn't find his season ski pass and Cy couldn't find his gloves. Queued up for Jackson's new pass and walked into a ski store to buy new gloves for Cy.

"Hi! I'm looking for kids' gloves that are warm but don't cost too much." I said to the Dude Doing Nothing.
Dude Dudemeister points to the back, reluctant to move from his Dude-doing-nothing spot.  I walked to the back and motioned him over to help.
"What's warm but is the least expensive?" I asked.
Dudemeister said: "I'm not going to make any guarantees about any of the gloves. These probably won't keep you that warm." He handed me a pair that cost $48.
Silly me, I didn't want to pay $48 so I asked him further questions.
At each enquiry he shrugged and said the same thing: "I'm not making any guarantees about the kids' gloves."
I was just about to self combust when I saw the newspaper headlines:

Spring Break Syndrome

   Police were called to a ski shop in Tahoe today after a female customer created a disturbance, screaming hysterically and throwing an array of kids' gloves at one of the shop assistants, Dude Dudemeister.

   Mr Dudemeister said: "Totally not my fault, man. We were, like, talking about gloves and then she just went, like, freakin' postal on me!"

   Mr Ian Bobblehead, head of Psychiatry at WestEastern University said: "We're calling it Spring Break Ski Glove Syndrome. To be honest, I'm amazed they haven't called in more cases."

  Witnesses on the scene say police had to carry the woman out of the store and she continued to scream: "I'll give you fucking Ski Glove Guarantees - you Motherfuckerrrrr!!"
   

 I was ten seconds from being that woman.



63 comments:

  1. I miss you!! I need to get back into blogging more, my personal blog has been blank for two months now! Sorry that your Spring Break for the family didn't go quite as planned. Love your top though!! ;)

    I've been there though, in this crazy, I don't want to be here any more mood! Hope you're weekend gets better.

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    1. Thanks Diana - hoping over to yours now. My top is a 51st gift from a friends, its a Trouve one. Much love, Jody

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  2. UGgghhhh----- this is not a proper vacation!!!! I am sorry. AND I am insanely picky about service, so this guys behavior makes my skin crawl. Seriously- crawl. I hope the rest of your spring breaks go better!

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    1. What's the most effective reaction when someone is so indifferent or high handed. I never know what the best response is. I guess just vote with your feet and walk away.

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  3. That doesn't sound like American customer service! A surly sales person doing nothing and determined to continue doing nothing? Could be in France! :)

    There are times when it's just not worth continuing to fight the bad vibes, so you were right to give up and go home. At least now you don't have to worry about sodding ski gloves! :)

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    1. Funnily enough all the times I've been in France people have been really friendly. But I can't speak French so they may be totally slagging me off and I would not have a clue.

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  4. Sorry about your Spring break!I love your outfit:) Enjoy the weekend!
    ~Anne

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  5. Thats a shame, but you do look lovely! Have a great weekend at home :) X

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  6. Jesus, I hate it when everything starts to go off track - I don't blame you for high-tailing it back home, Jody. I am very sarky when confronted by poor service. That top is lovely, pretty colours.

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    1. It has lots of transparent panels in it, stuck a striped shirt underneath so but I can get more Spring wear out of it ...B-day grift from my friend Sandy..
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/trouve-neon-sheer-stripe-sweater/3382137?origin=category&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=0

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  7. Hilarious - I keep questioning why I am looking forward to the beach so much next week - the 6 hr drive there might be enough to kill me. Praying for sun and that I don't forget my cocktail shaker:) x
    www.poppys-style.com

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    1. The clink of the cocktail shaker in the boot is always a soothing sound on a 6hr trip

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  8. I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh ... but your Dudemeister story? Classic! Funny too that you were heading towards the snow whilst those of us in the UK and Ireland are just begging for a bit of sunshine. Have a lovely Easter weekend. Helen (lovely top btw)

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    1. Helen- I kissed the ground upon returning to Oakland (not words you will hear often)

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  9. I have had this experience while on March Break with my kids in upstate NY. At one time we belonged to a private skit club and spent all of our time and all of our money hauling our kids around skiing, it was totally exhausting! Then we quit the whole thing and we've been having fun ever since.
    There must be a DudeMeister Training School for the Dudes who work in those shops!
    xox

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    1. Dani - after two terrible seasons with no snow we're starting to wonder if Global Warming will put an end to skiing in ten years - and we are putting all this money and effort into a sport which is going to be extinct!

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  10. LOL that was funny
    Sure wasn't sunny
    The dudemeister sounds like he just wants to get high
    Good thing you avoided going postal on the poor guy haha

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    1. Pat, thinks he was already high on nigh from nighttime - this was 11am - he was well on his way!

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  11. Ugh - we spend a lot of time in Colorado and have the same Dude problems. We call it Mountain air - honestly most of them need a rocket up their arse!

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    1. Toni - you'd think that fresh mountain air would knock them awake. You would also think with two really bad seasons the Dudemeisters of this world would get right on it. Have to say I've met some great people working up in Tahoe trying to help very bratty customers - so with skiing it swings both ways...

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  13. I think we've abandoned a holiday twice. Once, as a child, my parents took the family to a holiday camp and it was so awful we left early - the day before someone let the tyres down on everybody's cars. The second time, when Rory was a toddler, we drove to Cormwall. The weather was atrocious, I had a stomach bug and we were miserable. Sometimes you've just got to come back home.

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    1. Cornwall is a fantastically magical place but funnily enough the drive down is odd because of the high hedges you don't see as much as you would like to. We stayed at the old Toad of Toad Hall place, Fowey Hall which was incredibly comfortable and old worlde and great meals. They had a baby listening service for upstairs while parents had their dinner. really good service.

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  14. I just laughed and woke the baby up. Seems fair, she had me up at 5am. I'd have wanted to slap Dudemeister's head with those gloves. :)

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    1. Jenn - so great to have a good old catch-up. Do you realise you were one of my first bloggy "friends"?Love your new blog and new Mama look with the pink tunic - can't wait to see photos of the bubster. So you are permanently in the no-sleep Brazilian rainforest category?

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  15. ..these are the things that happen. We had an issue on our recent trip too.. always something. If it doesn't feel right it's best to start all over. It was a good choice to come back and I'm sure the rest of the weekend will go well;)

    xxL

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    1. Leslie, soon as I got home, had shower and met Kevin at Hopscotch for a fizzy wine and six oysters and all was right in my world.

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  16. this has me hysterically laughing .....you are so freakin awesome .... love love love ya!

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    1. Emma - am loving Ms Em's bedroom on your blog - am going to show all that pink and orange goodness with the Morrocan poufs to Tallulah

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  17. MY SON is a ski instructor at HOMEWOOD!My other SON lives there too........next time call me for their numbers as they can HELP!Sorry,not a good way to start the birthday month!XXX

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    1. LC: think some of it is the vissisitudes of skiing with kids, constant batterment with lost gear but the dude tipped me over the edge. How cool that your son is a ski instructor - that is what Harley, 15, wants to do, I wonder what age they can start getting their certificates. We are always trying to tell Harley he should train as a sushi chef so easier to get a job when he's doing his season skiing (when he finishes High School of course)

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  18. That is hysterical. I am sorry that it was so bad that you came home, but I totally understand.

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  19. hilarious....another reason not to ski....Happy Easter!!

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  20. What a shame about your spring break. There's probably more snow here in the UK! We're all in shock with these strange Easter temperatures......Happy Easter!
    http://missbbobochic.blogspot.co.uk/

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  21. Jody,
    Kudos to you for doing what I have wanted to do in about 9/10 holidays. You actually did. Maybe the kids will appreciate it all more now. That's at least what my mum says. Kids get to do so much now they just expect it and you know what..It's not a vacation for you. Your my hero. Good on you for going to meet Kevin...
    Have a wonderful Easterxx
    Kim

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  22. So, did you buy the gloves? But seriously, you look great in that Trouve top and necklace, and that's all that matters. I laughed about the sugary cereal being "crack for kids". Actually, I absolutely cannot eat most of those cereals, because the BHT used to preserve them does scary things to my mood, and my kids inherited that from me. I could feed them the sugar, and all types of pesticides and preservatives, just not the BHT.

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  23. Well, an experience not to be relived. Glad you survived! I was never a big fan of spring break — that was the time I usually did essays. Sigh.

    I hope the rest of spring is less "eventful."

    Blessings and Bear hugs!
    Bears Noting

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  24. These things happen
    even if we plan our vacation really well.
    You've got a fun way of telling though.

    Happy Easter!

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  25. I agree with others thought about doing the same thing many times but just stuck in there being in a bad mood and then came back and said worst holiday ever.

    Funnily Mr Dudemeister has a couple of cousins who work in some shops here in Ireland also. Happy Easter have a fun time.

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  26. I hope Mr Dudemeister managed to retrieve those gloves from where you surely must have shoved them? I hope you all have a Happy Easter despite the abortive ski trip! x

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  27. Family OTW think you would fit into any Liverpool festivity, celebration perfectly...that may or may not be a recommendation!

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  28. This is brilliant. I moved over to the dark side (wordpress) and lost all my favourite blogs. I gotta figure out how to get you back :)

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    1. Rachel, I wish I had started out on Wordpress, much prettier blogface and all the options that you don't get on Blogspot.

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  29. hahaha! I feel your pain (again). We once came home from a "holiday" in Devon, mainly because it pissed with rain (yay Britain!) for 3 days and we couldn't stand it any longer.

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  30. Look on the bright side, your 48 bucks better off!
    Happy Easter!

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  31. Ms Curry Queen is right about Devon!
    Anyhow, I'm very pleased to read that I'm not the only one who gets a touch of the crazies!
    Sx

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  32. Oh no, there are Dudes and Dudesses working in too many places!

    You look cute even if that's not a great way to start a ski vacation. Hope you managed a better time after that.

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  34. Hope things are going back to normal... Cute outfit!

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  35. Crack for kids hahaha good one. Lots of Dudes Doing Nothing where I live... And that headline would've been fun. ;)

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  38. No way! He has an aunt in nz. She works in baby city. Me: which car seat has the best safety rating? Her: this is the one we sell the most of. Me: does it have a good safety rating? Her: dunno, but a lot of people buy them. Me: any idea which would be good for a tall kid? Her:we sell a lot of those too. Me:are they good for kids with long backs? Her:dunno, but we sell a lot of them...W.T.F!

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    1. Hi Max, thanks so much for stopping by. Love your blog and am totally jealous of your Tim Main fabric finds in the Thrift Shop!!!

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  39. Mwahahahahaha.... It has been a rather stressful week and I totally needed this laugh. Jody, you're a hoot!

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  40. Absolutely hysterical-at least looking back! You made the right decision for sure. Ski glove nightmares turn into staycation dreams!
    Cheers to that,
    Heather

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    1. Thanks Heather - you've summed in up on one phrase!

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