Saturday, January 25, 2014

Mistress de la Plungeur

The other day, one of you emailed: "You have such a glamorous life." True that. For example, yesterday I arrived home at 8.30am from school drop-off to be greeted by a plunger at the door. "It's bad" called a voice from inside "don't come anywhere near this toilet. I'm going out for Draino."

Mistress de la Plungeur: Amy Adams in American Hustle. You'd never clicked in if I posted... 

Real Housewife of Plunge

Like music to my ears. A plunger is like a secret weapon in my hands...did I ever tell you I cleaned toilets in a campground for a whole summer at university? Some very special skills are acquired in a job like that.

That crisis averted, I started to order my wardrobe, filing my party frocks to the back. I'd dry cleaned them a couple of months ago for the holiday season. They were still in their plastic, never worn. I was invited to one - count it, babies! - one Christmas party...and I couldn't make it.  I spent that Saturday night in 20 degrees watching Tallulah's soccer game in Backofbeyond.

20 degrees, 8pm on a Sat night, soccer sidelines, wearing dog blanket from someone's car boot

Icing on the cake was when I went to pick up my new sneakers. I am only allowed to wear one brand - a very ugly brand - because I am such a bad boy pronator (pigeon toed they used to call it). The sneaker specialist guy took one look at my bunions (would make Ena Sharples weep) and said: "I know exactly what kind of shoes you wear." I giggled and flicked my hair. I knew he was going to say: very very high heels. "UGG boots" he said "you look like you wear UGG boots all the time."

I then took Teddy, the 6lb teen dog, to his water treadmill and holistic therapy (He had both knees pinned 7 weeks ago).  I know, only in the East Bay. It was all going so very well until Teddy pooped in the pool... again.  "He seems to feel very comfortable here" I ventured helpfully.  Besides having a glam life, I'm a cup half full kind of person.
Teddy doing his water therapy


What tales of glam from your neck of the woods?



69 comments:

  1. I have that exact same plunger!! Very glamorous and the best working one I've ever used. A bit messy, but when you need one... My glamorous life included cleaning the leaves out of our water fountain from the fall. They've all sort of mashed together like paper mâché and it will ruin the motor if I don't clean it out. I've just gotten my rolling rack out to attack my wardrobe. I'm afraid, very afraid to start but it must be down. Enjoy your Sunday darling! I'm practicing using that glamorous word until it rolls of my younger naturally. xoJennifer

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    1. Heavens that auto fill is not glamorous. The wardrobe must be DONE, not down, rolls off my TONGUE, not younger. Yikes!

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    2. That is the fanciest plunger I have ever seen, you two have the Cartier of plungers!

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    3. Jennifer, Made complete sense to me.
      Tabitha, was thinking of bejeweling it, as I did our hammer.Maybe with Cartier-esque leopard face?

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  2. I'm all about the glamour. This week involved sourcing the best deal on paper towels, which are obviously ruining the earth by killing trees AND clogging land fills, but necessary(?!) in my house for many reasons. Also I cleaned the drains of the sinks of hair and dental floss, very time-consuming and disgusting. Someone in my house tortures me by throwing dental floss down the sink, guess what that stuff never dissolves. I live with floss-down-the-sink-denyers (LIARS). I think I know who it is so I'll keep you posted... are you still even reading...oh the glamour!
    By the way awesome lunge with the plunger, no wonder you have great legs!!

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    1. Dani I can't even put my worst chore on paper, let's just say it involves menfolk and the bathroom - let the mind boggle.

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  3. ...hey I thought we were still on leopard prints?

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  4. haha well when you gotta go you gotta go, poor pup. i had the flu so it was all glamor here, tp up my nose and everything, such a glamorous sight lol

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    1. How do you say LOL with blocked nose/ Was just trying that out, damn spout

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  5. Somehow, "Bear" and "glam" don't see to fit reasonably into the same sentence. I think "Bear" and the adjective "pedestrian" go together. (That's pedestrian as in dull or lacking inspiration or excitement.) You've got the picture, right?

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

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  6. Ena Sharples? Ouch, my sides hurt from laughing!

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    1. Wasn't there a bit of hairnet couture a few years back? (Best I put in a link for our American readers who may not have met Ena yet)

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  7. I think you've accused me of having a glamorous life in my blog comments, and the truth is far, far from that. If a week goes by without one of my children doing an unplanned vomit, it's a celebratory week.
    My most glamorous experience occurred at the Mirage Resort on the Gold Coast (Australia). We arrived just before our room was ready, so went straight to the pool (two children, aged 3 and 6 months in tow). Husband disappeared to do something or the other, leaving me with two kids. Older goes into the pool, the baby I decided to change into her swimming things on my lap in the pool side dining area. As I whip her nappy off to put her in her swimming nappy and swimmers, she naturally poos straight into my lap. Just as I'm cleaning the poo off my lap, the 3 year old comes running up screaming at the top of his lungs that he needs to go to the toilet right now. This naturally drew a lot of attention to me. And the baby pooing in my lap. Was a great moment.
    I can also tell you about the 2 year old who was toilet training and decided during her nap time at the ski resort we were staying at to do some poo painting - all over the windows overlooking the ski slope, the carpet and the blind. That was a nice clean up job too.... so yes, glamour and parenthood don't go hand in hand. Good work on the plunger xx

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    1. Gosh, that last one is a corker, I'm not sure if I can top that. Memories....

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    2. Heidi, that last moment is truly hysterical, although I'm sure it was anything but at the time!

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  8. Poor Teddy! I hope he heels fully! What a cutie! Did you try Mizuno shoes?

    No glam life here, for sure, except maybe for a moment today... I was invited at my oldest friend's open house and I met 2 of the local actors (who played in her husband's movies). Dummy me looked at one of them (an actress) and said "I thought you looked familiar!"

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    1. Will consult with my specialist bloke, these ones are cute.http://www.mizunousa.com/running?gclid=CM7B7bWjnLwCFeZ7Qgodt3cAVA

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    2. Of course I meant 'he heals.' LOL

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  9. You make these mundane tasks look as glamorous as possible. And yes, any Corrie references are always appreciated.

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  10. The first thing I thought when I saw the 2nd photo was ' I like the look of that plunger' a much better shape than ours - now I'm sad that I actually got excited by a new shape plunger!! And you made me smile with pigeon toed - my grandad used to say, affectionately, that I was pigeon toed, sparrow ankled and knock kneed, I'd forgotten all about that! That's brightened up my morning, despite the 6.45am Sunday pick up from a party for the 17year old (now I've sneaked into a coffee shop before going home!)

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    1. As Tabs suggest I do feel its the Rolls Royce of plungers (and I do know my plungers these things can't be unlearned..)

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  11. I've had some boring holiday jobs when I was a student (some time ago but I still remember the highlight of the day was chocolate biscuits at break time!) but you were brave cleaning toilets all summer! The picture of you with the plunger is hilarious but you're managing to look glamorous - accessorising with your posh plunger and coordinating with the door too!

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    1. Was trying to the Charlie Angel thing (there's plunging in heaven right?) but maybe too deep a plie?

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  12. You are too funny but yes explains why you have amazing slim toned legs!!! I am sleeping in a sleeping bag because my brother is also moving soon so packing stuff up so I zip up every night lately. No egyptian cotton sheets here!

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  13. I am laughing so hard I am crying...

    My life is one glamorous moment after another. really it is all too much. yesterday I did both bathrooms, dusted, cleaned under couch and won't share what I found there, paid bills, cooked a marvelous meal that no one but me liked and realized that despite giving up alcohol (mostly) since Christmas I have lost only 2 pounds.... sigh...

    oh and I went out looking like the Michelin man in a dirty long down coat..

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  14. great photos! following you now! :)
    happy sunday!

    http://www.getcarriedaway.net/

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  15. super cute dog :D

    WWW.PUTRIVALENTINALIM.BLOGSPOT.COM

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  16. Ha! We have a plunger in every bathroom (three) plus the kids got sent off to college each with their own plunger. Glamor? Off to in laws this morning for really greasy sausage breakfast...may need plunger later. Later tonight we are off to dinner at my folks for some mystery meat plus gravy...may need plunger tomorrow morning. We just seem to roll in it.

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  17. No glam life here either but I do share your love of plungers although not on toilets but shower outlets. I take great joy in hearing the gulping noise when I know I've cleared the blockage. What a sad life I lead.

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    1. The mark of a true philosopher is to enjoy the small things!

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  18. YOU do have a GLAMO LIFE STYLE!You canNOT tell us differently!When I read what you do and where you go………I kinda cringe because my biggest outing is to SAFEWAY!

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  19. you are hilarious. (i'd take that over GLAM any day ;))

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  20. sorry... feel free to delete one of my comments! didn't notice the 'visible after approval' ;)

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    1. I know. Sorry, its a tricky one the approval thingy gadget, wish I didn't have to do it.

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  21. oh you'll love this one Jody, I was holed up at home last week with the flu (yes, very glamorous), so my bathroom was pretty messy, stuff all over the counter. I recovered to host hubs' b-day party last night and basically just took all my clothes out of the bathroom, emptied the garbage and didn't really clean up anything else since I ran out of time and no one uses that bathroom except for moi. "I'll finish cleaning it up later"....

    HOWEVER, towards the end of the party, one of our party guests ventured upstairs and used MY bathroom (yes, the one I didn't finish cleaning beforehand) .... I was so embarrassed. We have 4 bathrooms (FOUR!!), one of them on the main floor, the other downstairs where the party was, and this guest had to use my bathroom upstairs, completely away from the party. I apologized and said "oh sorry, I was sick this week, etc", I tried to gloss it over and laugh it off but man....really???? What the hell were you doing up there anyway?? I want my guests to feel at home, but next time use the bathrooms that are located at the main areas of the house, ok??? arrghhhh

    ps. My Mom bought us a plunger for Christmas, since we didn't have one! LOL

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    1. Nosey parkers. next time they'll be trying on your clothes (oops actually I did that once at a party). Good old Mums, think that will be my role in life from now on. Theplungergiver, the gift that keeps on giving

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    2. ha! funny thing is, we actually had to use it a week after we got it! Good thing we got it as a gift!

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  22. Oh my gosh my life is wildly glamorous.
    For instance yesterday during a potty training session my daughter decided to jump up just in time to poop on the ground.... Which I hurriedly cleaned before returning to several loads of laundry, which included my husband work out wear (suffice it to say, he worked out hard and perspired in a way that offered indisputable proof)......

    Ahh to the glamorous life!

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  23. Waait...your daughter is already doing potty training? But she's still newborn, or that's how I think of her.

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  24. Plenty of glamour here this week.... Oldest child had projectile vomits, and even though she's got great aim, her long, thick blonde hair wasn't tied back.
    We've also been trying to de-clutter. Not much fun.
    I love a sink plunger, and that one looks particularly fine. I once learnt to juggle with sink plungers during a long and cold Soviet winter. The small town I was living in had a shipment of plungers to its one 'supermarket', so we bought them all and taught ourselves to juggle. That was in 1989....

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    1. Ruth, what an amazing tale! You must have amassed some juggling skills, most people start with tennis balls - you went straight for the plungers - good on you!

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  25. You do have the glam life indeed!! I try, but it usually fails, haha. Something gets broken or I try to make the house look glammed up & the next hour it looks like the Wizard of Oz tornado has come through. I put on something nice only to realize there are sticky hand prints on it that I didn't see, haha. But, it's ok :)))

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    1. The Wizard Of Oz tornado left behind the wicked witch of the east (coast) here yesterday. (Moi)

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  26. I didn't know UGG boots give you bunions. I'm now not sorry I don't possess a pair.

    You have a mega plunger. Mine is just pathetic next to yours, being half a ball on a stick. I regularly have to make the shower sick up hair and stuff. French plumbing is a nightmare.

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    1. Apparently jandals (flip flops) do the same thing. Yes I do insist on the best (plungers)

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  27. Just found your blog and that is definitely a tough job in college - but you obviously have some skills. :) I think my unglam camping tales have to be similar to that plus dealing with falling in a scary lake

    xoDale
    www.savvyspice.com

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  28. Well I think you are in very good company because I read once that Nigella (yes her again) was a chamber maid in Italy for a summer and that's where she learned to make such delicious panna cotta. I won't bore you with my sad story of having to load the dishwasher every night of my teenage life. So unfair. Anyway, I think Teddy is the one with the glamorous life. It's good to be a dog or cat these days!
    xo Mary Jo

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    1. Gosh I had loads of similar kinds of unfairnesses in my teen years too. My kids complain long and hard about the dishes and I just tell them I'll pay their therapist bills in future about life with mean mum.

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  29. I cleaned restrooms for a restaurant I worked at when I was 17...good times. And by good times I mean hell.

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  30. It's my poor husband who has the non-glamorous job. While you and I might grumble about doing a bit of toilet plunging, he has to remove it from source sometimes.....

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  31. A plunging neckline and a plunger in hand-LOL!! You always make me laugh! xx

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    1. The latter is the only plunging I am doing these days..

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  32. I just caught a handful of pasta with ham and peas as it was puked out by my 16 months old. It takes advanced fetching skills if you don't want to change the sheets three times in one night - I can happily report that she is now back in bed, snoozing, vomiting over for now and I didn't even have to change her PJs!! Beat that ;-) xx

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  33. Currently I get to struggle with Mr 10-month-old's hands as I try to change his dirty nappies. He has discovered the joy of playing with his penis, and he does not seem to care if it's covered in shit. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

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  34. I've been so behind reading. Literally, I need a whole day to do nothing, but read, but as usual, this made me laugh. I hope you are doing well.

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    1. Great thanks Leigh, heading over to yours now

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  35. Oh my gosh I don't know how I missed this post. Jody you made my day..Oh and the part where Teddy poops...I love the response! Lol. Well, it's quite glam over here too. Just woke up to cat barf on the middle of the white couch..And like you was all ready for the holiday season for once, with a few pretty pieces and yet only one party..Oh well, we are ready Jody!
    Have a good weekend glam girl! xx Kim

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    1. I know, they still hang sadly in their drycleaning plastic ready to party (btw, your cat knows how to make max impact!)

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