Snazzy Work-Out Pants

Have you been getting into those snazzy new work-out pants? They are very appealing--I mean, who wouldn't want to have fleurs, astral whanots and moons and stripes on their bum?  But what do they really look like in real life?

Gisele. Yeah, she looks good in them, but that's her job, innit?

Mel B looks awesome in them. But she's got a fabulous  bum...maybe a pre-requisite?

Lily Collins: Think wearing a covering top like this looks more flattering.

Thigh-gap. Disqualified from the survey

At the knee works better, and horizontal stripes or chevrons, counterintuitively, seem more flattering

Billie Faiers and Ferne McCann. No idea who they are, but they have more normal-looking thighs. Lefty looks best. Righty pattern is very, er, directional

When I was at the Carmel Valley Ranch last time, I tried some on. Prepare yourself emotionally.

Puts a shine on everything that doesn't need it. (Oh my eyes! My eyes!)

Gah! Make every part of you look enormous, the top part looks ghastly, you would have to wear very covering top

Again sparing you the top view, which is horrifying.

In the interests of good journalism, this time I stayed at the Ranch I tried on some more pairs. (I know, I am nothing if not thorough).

Even the butterfly looks scared. (Oh please no! The vastness of the sky! The hugeness of the clouds!)

Sparing you the top part again. (Please, I beg of you - no more!)

(Okay you're doing one more.) Did a murky side view because the front was so awful.

What have we got so far pour moi on snazzy pants? Flattering? No (But everybody still wants to wear them so will keep crazily searching...) Shiny? No, and I say a thousand times no. Astral? Best not. Pattern? Better as an insert, rather than all over.

But that's just me. What have you gathered from your research?

(And by the way, have you seen this hilarious video by three Australian women about doing just about everything in your activewear  except being active?)