Friday, January 6, 2012

My Mother's House

One very New Year's thing I do every day, every week, almost obsessively, is purge. Clear out that Vesuvius of effluvia that fills the kids' backpacks, the car, our wardrobes and drawers and the mudroom. Clothes and shoes that haven't been worn in a year and books and magazines that are read are given away to friends, family, to the cleaners or charity. I just gave away a bag of belts that I never wore. (Remind me never to buy another belt. I dream of accessorising but never do).

Yet after visiting my parents in Ohope Beach, NZ, I wonder if I'm fooling myself. Mum and Dad's house always looks open, fresh and modern and yet everything has been in the same place for decades. No gift is re-gifted and each thing purchased has a place.

Mum and Dad's house in Ohope Beach


Outside, every potted plant Mum has been given is there and still alive.

Mum's succulents at the front 
In my parents' house we sip from the same blue and white teacups. And look at the same Limoges and Lladro figurines they bought while camping around Europe 32 years ago. The dresser, table and chairs are made of wood shipped back from Papua New Guinea where they lived for five years.  The apple-cheeked little old man and lady bought in Switzerland are there on the wall. The dark green and brown oil painting of a paddock scene was painted by my grandfather 40 years ago. The porcelain blue porpoises, a gift from golf friends 15 years ago, are still cavorting near the bathtub. The old family photos are there on the walls, always comforting.

Old photos at my parents' house: me and Harley 13 years ago

Mum and Dad on their wedding day 52 years ago

In the garden all the other presents and found-treasures are there; the swinging teacup, the cloth-capped newspaper boy, the concrete birdbath, the green glass balls. Everything looks just right sitting there.

Mum and Dad's back garden

In contrast I am always furiously shedding stuff. Nine years ago we arrived in Oakland from Notting Hill, London with only our luggage. We had given away or sold everything else. "How can you denude yourselves like that" said one friend. It was, as promised by all the keep-it-simple magazines and organisational experts, very freeing.

I pride myself on not going to "Big Box" stores. You step into those places and spend $500. (On what, who knows?) We have two cooking pots; I burnt the other two and never replaced them. We gave away our coffee machine years ago as I buy my one daily latte. We don't have baking sheets or gadgets; as you might know, I do assemblage rather than cooking and baking and I don't keep things on the bench. I deliberately chose a smaller closet in order to limit my clothes spending.

But I may be fooling myself this shedding is somehow eco, selective or quasi-monastic. I suspect I'm still buying as much stuff as many others. But by not keeping things, I don't have to live with my mistakes or past choices. And somehow, now I'm making it into a virtue. Oh I'm such a self-delusional non-accessorising person.

Which one are you: an inveterate clearer-outer like me, or a keeper-and-placer like my mother? Or something in-between?

Our Giveaway this month is a beautiful cashmere-blend scarf (5.5ft by 1ft) from one of my favourite Ohope Beach stores, 4Art Sake which you may have read about here. Simply leave a comment and, as usual, you get an extra point if you Tweet and-or Facebook the offer. The winner will be drawn randomly next Friday 13 Jan. I bought one of these scarves for myself six months ago and it's deliciously soft.













48 comments:

  1. I love this post. Thanks to the Elfa system (I heart The Container Store), our smallish master bedroom closet is in check. New item? One comes out. Sanity. If only the rest of the house could follow suit. All those pans, baking sheets, and "essential" doodads you eschew are all hiding in my kitchen! Still, I like the spirited organic changes that a growing family brings to home decor just as long as there are a few functional bins or hooks to corral the superfluous. We are def in-betweeners!

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  2. Your parents home is gorgeous.....

    I am an obsessive organizers... constantly purging etc. Last night it was my closet. My husband came home and was greeted with a newly organized closet...

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  3. I am somewhere in between. I think I am better than most, but that is a horrid standard. When my mom passed away we disposed of so much of her clutter by simply throwing it away {as she had clearly never done}. Since then I've looked at "stuff" differently. I don't want to accumulated "stuff". But someone there certainly is a lot of it around me.

    xoxo

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  4. Moving from Liverpool to California cured me of being a pack-rat. It did such a psychological number on me, trying to pack my entire life into two suitcases, that I now live by the mantra that you can't take it with you. I like memories to be in my head.

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  5. I think I fall somewhere in between, although I had a great closet clearout yesterday and feel totally liberated after it!!
    ~Anne

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  6. I am very good at purging my husband's stuff! As far as clothes go...I keep things until they fall apart. I have clothes from when I was in high school!

    I am doing a bit Christmas purge right now...I spent the week going through every single piece of Christmas decor and decided what is garbage, what is for garage sale and what stays. They stuff that stays is organized by theme.

    I find as soon as I kill an emotional attachment to something I get rid of it...I parted with shelves and shelves of books...I couldn't handle the clutter anymore and it was more painful than not having the books. Thank goodness for ereaders!

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  7. Oh! I tweeted about your gorgeous scarf giveaway! *fingers crossed*

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  8. I am in between. Your parents home is so gorgeous! I really like Oakland and the docks there are where I got the coffee bags that I made my reusable shopping bags from!

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  9. I am a crazy cleaner-outer!!! sometimes to a fault. . . as in regret : (

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  10. I think I am somewhere in between :) very pretty house by the way, I love all the green.

    What a great giveaway too!

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  11. I'm somewhere in between. I do my occasional purges, but if I find I'm throwing away too much of something that I rarely (never) use, then I stop acquiring it. It's a real balance between clutter-free and homey. I also find it freeing to not be weighed down by too many material things. I keep those things that hold meaning. So my son is in kindergarten and I've already got boxes of "artwork" of his!

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  12. I'm a bit of both. I don't like to have something in my house that i don't absolutely love, therefore, I try and regift a lot. But at the same time, my closet is one area that gets purged semi-annually.xoxo

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  13. beautiful place... i clean out often enough to make room for things that are actually useful... have a great weekend!!!

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  14. I am a clearer-outer. Work from home and can't stand clutter. Your mum's house is GORGEOUS. How lucky for you to grow up there. x

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  15. Very definitely something inbetween. I'm an achiver. I purge stuff but then can't quite throw it away. Lord knows what I'll do when there's no more room in the loft.

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  16. I'm crazy.
    I keep stuff for years and years, never using or even looking at any of it. In the end I chuck it out, or donate it, or sell it at a car boot sale, and within a month or two I suddenly realise Hey! I did have a use for/emotional connection to that item. Then I feel sad. And then I do it all over again.

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  17. Loved the photos. Your parents home looks amazing! My in-laws have a place in Matata that I love to visit when we're there. REading your last few posts have made me excited for our trip to NZ this spring. My husband can't wait to get home!

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  18. I want to be a cleaner... But I live with 2 hoarders :(

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  19. I'm like you but my parents are like your parents... yet their house always looks immaculate and mine,well, that's a different matter. Maybe it's a generational thing? I can see where you get your good looks from too! Happy New Year

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  20. My parents are like your parents...I am somewhere in between. Loved the description of your parents house...sounds lovely! happy 2012!

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  21. I hate clutter too. I recently just purged my kitchen drawers and countertops of the unnecessary and I have never been happier or felt better. Less is so much more in so many ways!

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  22. Love this post! I am somewhere between but may tend to pack away. I always want to find a way to reuse or donate what I have and find I have "piles of intent" that finally must be purged at the end of the day/month/year.

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  23. Oooh, I have so much to say on this, but I'll try to be brief.

    I actually get a little anxiety-ridden when reading about your mother's ways. TMI?? (sorry) My MIL is a keeper, but sadly, not really a placer... I mean it's placed, but not really in a neat way- not a junky way either, just no intention or thought behind it. And each year, I see the same exact books laying on the shelf, the same empty frames... So, I guess I'd say I'm more on your end of the spectrum, not quite that far though :).

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  24. your parents house is quite pretty and the idea that everything is the same and all gift kept and displayed is very mysterious. I don't know how that's possible.

    I am constantly trying to get to the point where everything is placed where is belongs. But I'm not there yet and the process involves bringing things in and then getting rid of things - so I guess I'm in the middle somewhere.

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  25. Hello you - such an apt post as I'm in the middle of (yet) another purge and feeling all holier than thou - and then you manage to prick my bubble by reminding me of the money previously spent - seemingly so I can feel good by chucking it out!! Oh you are a sharp one!! Thing with me is... I can chuck out stuff we (I) bought quite easily, it's the stuff we've made that's hard! Way too much of that in this house.... not all mine but....

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  26. Did not know you were such a "less is more" type of gal -- now that I know you'll just love,love,love Bea's ideas for a clutter free home and clutter free life. She created this blogspot as here passion for zero waste took hold. Truly amazing and inspiring and quite simple if not a bit extreme. Enjoy it at:

    http://www.zerowastehome.blogspot.com

    Have Fun,
    Chris

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  27. Happy new year!!! I've been trying to make myself lighter these days. I purged my office at work and am currently doing the same at home. Clutter has weighed me down for too long and I'm ready for a change.

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  28. Having moved from house to human filing cabinet (apartment building) we have parted with so much (including my dog). There is more to go this year, too. So much family and personal history gone.

    But I guess everything goes in the end.

    Blessings and Bear hugs for 2012!

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  29. I would love to get rid of the clutter though my days are just not long enough. So nice to meet you just found your beautiful blog and so happy I did. I have enjoyed looking around and I'm now following you, wonderful to meet new friends. Hope you find a spare minute to visit and follow me sometime if you like. Sending you special wishes for a wonderful New Year I’m looking forward to keeping in touch in 2012.
    Always Wendy

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  30. I am a definite de-clutterer - i do purchase too much but i do clear out too - my husband buys rubbish - if it is on offer he buys ten and it is all just krap we dont need and then he wont chuck it - our outbuildings are sooo full of it that he has decided he will have to have a clearout - i await the actual occurrance! xx

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  31. I am something in between, though I wish I were more like you (2 pans!?). Living in just 700 square feet we have to be thoughtful with our stuff.

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  32. I wonder whether our parents' propensity to hoard elegantly is because they haven't accumulated years of throwaway tat. They would have a few good things and a few treasures but possibly access to cheap stuff wasn't as easy then?

    I really must get rid of more of our stuff but we have a huge shed in the garden so this acts as a halfway house: every so often we de-clutter the shed!

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  33. Boy- do I have clutter! My husband throws things away and I tend to keep them!

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  34. I'm in the process of getting rid of baby stuff that we've accumulated (just wrote a post about it) and am also trying to restrict my buying to quality things. For example, the next chair for the living room is going to be a Eames chair - I've always wanted one, from the time I used to visit my aunt and uncle and saw theirs in their study. (Which they still have, along with all the old photos and sculptures I remember....)

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  35. I think I'm a bit in between, although, I think I need to be on the purging side more often. I do love how your mom has been able to hold onto so many things and still keep it looking so fresh and in place. That's quite a talent! Your parent's home is beautiful. I also loved seeing their wedding photo! I would love to be considered for the giveaway! A chic new scarf would be perfect for this time of year. :)

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  36. Really amazing photos, I like your parent's house, it's a dream! Great post!

    Take a look and if you want we can follow each others: Cosa mi metto???
    Win an amazing dress by entering the Free People giveaway??? on my blog!

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  37. Wow, I'd love to hire your Mum to decorate my place!
    I'm not a hoarder, like you, I go through closets and drawers and remove clutter.
    I'm at the stage where I go through Toy Boxes and remove toys that haven't been played with. I actually do it before Christmas to make way for the new ones :)
    Books - I finally got a Kindle so I no longer have piles and piles around.
    Happy New Year!

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  38. I'm a dedicated clearer of clutter - it makes me impatient and I tend to chuck away too much. My mum is like yours though, it's a nightmare!

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  39. I am definitely somewhere in the middle. I also avoid the pull of the big box store and try not to buy anything unless I love it. Yet, I still seem to be constantly getting rid of stuff and purging. Your parents' house is stunning!!

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  40. Jody you mom's house is soooo gorgeous! I am a purger like you, but somehow there always seems to be a garage full of stuff to purge the next season--how does this happen!

    p.s. I have the same problem with belts--hardly ever wear them!

    xo Mary Jo

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  41. The best description I've read for a mess! I giggled.
    I have some things I keep, simply because I grew up with such bareness. I couldn't stand it.
    I'd love to win that scarf. Le sigh.

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  42. while living in New York i learned to cull every 6 months......it's amazing how much we packed into a studio apartment........and now I love a good clear out, very liberating!!

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  43. oh my goodness, it is just gorgeous! love the photo of you 13 years ago and your parents wedding photo!

    xx

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  44. What I want to know is how you managed to find some sunshine in our dismally rainy country.

    Andrea x

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  45. my mom does the same thing every new year's -- we do major cleaning around the house. and she always always asks why we have so much stuff, haha! i hope one day i can be like your parents and have a place for each thing i ever buy. ;)

    happy new year!!!

    <3, Mimi
    http://whatmimiwrites.blogspot.com/

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  46. I am a total keeper. I am currently trying so hard to purge. It's tough with all those memories attached! I love that photo of your parents. So sweet.

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  47. I'm a keeper, but having moved cross-country twice there have been periodic plunges...

    What a lovely give-a-way! Thank you -

    robyn

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