What to wear? Loads of complaining as I make everyone go through their - mostly dirty - clothes to find something grey. "Why? why? why? You're just sooo mean!" Cy, seven, yelled as if I was making him swim the Arctic in his underwear. FVC photographer Pierce advised us to wear similar shades, not mixing darks and lights. In the end, our greys looked a mess of dead-brown, sweet silver and just filthy dirty.
The "shoot" took no more than ten minutes and photographer Pierce said we can swap the heads out from different photos. So now we can be the F-bomb Addams Family.
Whether they look up, down, or away, kids are seldom self-conscious which makes for better photos. In contrast I feel really awkward. "You've got a really fake smile" Cy offered helpfully. "Mama, what's wrong with your eyes?" Tallulah said. Just that day my eyes had puffed up to bee-sting levels and not in a charming Angharad Rees way. My white jeans made my legs look stumpy and my long linen cardigan looked frumpy. Whenever a camera comes out, Kevin cannot be dissuaded from raising his eyebrows, giving him an air of shocked surprise as if he has found himself with the wrong family.
The truth is I don't I want to look natural or even like myself...I want to look like a 49-year-old Kate Hudson. Yes, I know... and I have yet to learn Photoshop. Even Tina Fey, who is critical of any injectable or surgical adjustments, confesses that she is always relieved when magazines - even feminist ones - do a Photoshop on her. Cheating or just the way of the world?
|Looking forward to family photo shoot, Pennslyvania|
Just five minutes after the photographer started snapping, all three kids went catatonic; screaming and kicking and punching each other. Whack, wail, slap.
The photographer kept his calm. But then it turned even uglier. Both Kevin and I lost it. Amid the unceasing thrashing and din, the photographer put on a fixed, frightened smile and called out cheerily: "Final shot! Let's make this one a keeper!!!"
I'm clueless. What makes a good family photo - what do you wear and how do you pose?