Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Travel Is Just So Glamorous

A very belated happy New Year to you all! We're back in Oakland and we won't be hopping on a plane for many a month. Shame, because air travel is just sooo glamorous. It's exactly like the photo of this new TV show, Pan Am (which I've never seen, but friends say is ghastly, sexy, sexist or boring, depending on their world view).


Pan Am

Below is a picture of our arrival at Auckland airport in New Zealand two weeks ago. At right is me - my feet and legs always swell up to twice their normal size and stay like that for a day. For some reason the photo actually doesn't do justice to the enormity of my cankling. Babies scream and grown men weep. The middle person is Cy, seven, who somehow arrived with only one shoe (but still carrying his two-day old school lunch of spag bol, as you might remember.) And the person on the left is my sister, Sharon, who met us at the airport at 5.30am and was wearing one of each of her sneakers...

Arrival: my sister Sharon, Cy, and me, Big Foot

The huge legs have everything to do with ignoring the Joan Collins old school mode of embarking gracefully and presumably slender-legged: on the plane move the legs and feet continually, don't eat the plane food (not even a salty cracker, especially not a salty cracker) don't touch the alcohol and sip water continuously.

Just as I was shoveling down a plateful of beef bog with a chaser of the kids' cheese on whitemeat meals, finishing with wafer-thin choccies, I suddenly remember. "Joan, Joan... Why have I forsaken you?"

Me and Tallulah on the way home

And how very much I could have achieved on that 12 hour flight.  As I've said before, that plane ride could have lent me time to write that elusive novel (about what? who knows...) or at least address the 100 "Happy New Year! Joy!" cards we failed to send before boarding.  Or at least at least, watch some of those improving arthouse movies I've read so much about in the New Yorker. Instead there's loads of staring into space for me and blobbing mouth-wide-open at any of the blockbusters with weddings in them. Contributing to the fuggy air, tinged with the all-too-human movements of humanity. Yes, our seats are next to the toilets again.

Any glamorous travel moments in your weekend?




28 comments:

  1. Funny! I love how casual you are about everything.. I'd be mad if a shoe got lost.

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  2. Omg this is hysterical!!!! We flew to the east coast with both girls in tow and it was SOOO glamorous and relaxing!!!!! Hahaha lets just say there was teething involved, diaper blowouts, multiple meltdowns and tears

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  3. Um. I drink at least one glass of wine an hour on an airplane. I look like hell once I've arrived but at least there's not police waiting to arrest me at my destination.(After a crazy flight to France complete with an emergency landing, I'm not such a good flyer. In fact, I'm the crazy hyperventilating person downing wine next to you.) So I'm up for whatever gets you through a flight, even a salty cracker. :)

    Jenn
    The Suburb Experiment

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  4. Going to the donut shop on the way to LA is the most glamorous place I have traveled this holiday. Seriously, it's so beautiful in there, donuts are a work of art. If only they were good for you, the world would be a perfect place. It's so funny but every time I read about your trips I wish I were traveling with you! I'm glad you're back!

    xo Mary Jo

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  5. Oh the long flights I can do... it's those short ones at the end of the long ones - from Aus to NZ or London to Edinburgh the break my soul. Everytime I swear never again Then I Forget.
    You got to make the trip at the end of the flight worth it!

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  6. Nothing glamorous on my end.... but I do love the shoes photo!

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  7. Happy New Year Jody! My ankles always end up twice the normal size on long haul flights! Everyone else always seems to walk off the plane looking immaculate!
    ~Anne

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  8. My ankles don't swell up on a plane but my belly does: the agony of trapped wind that no amount of salty crackers can shift.

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  9. Haha i so remember why i hate flying - a very good new year to you - btw the pics were taken at home in London but i very much wish they had been the Connaught just there for drinks i am afraid xx

    http://fashionandfrank.blogspot.com/

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  10. Oh my goodness what an adventure!! The pictures are so cute but I am sure you are glad to be home!

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  11. Haha! This is one of the greatest posts EVER! I love how unfabulous traveling can make people feel - definitely not what is depicted on TV! :P

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  12. I'm not sure I read the entirety of the post - I was stuck laughing at the picture of the three pairs of feet. Yours faired best by far! Travel is not glamorous anymore. Not even in first class.

    We are staying put until our annual ski break in Beaver Creek / Vail. Luckily it's a short flight. Hawaii in June (not in First Class this year) may break me. Though as long as we all arrive with two *matching* shoes I'll consider it a win.

    xoxox

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  13. Only one shoe - hilarious!
    I hate travelling and don't want to do it anymore.
    The only time it was bearable was on two my flash in the pan first class transatlantic flights - oh boy it really does make all the difference, Im usually 5 ft 4 squished to 5ft after 14 hour flights.

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  14. Perhaps travel would be a bit more glam if travelers weren't treated like cattle!

    Glad you are back safe and sound and ready to take on 2012!

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  15. Aside from giving birth, nothing is quite so unglamorous as travelling on long haul trips.

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  16. The one shoe reminds me of one of my nephews - he'd lost his shoes everywhere we went! I'm sure getting there was tough, but it sounds like it was great once you got there. No glamorous travels this weekend, unless you count a visit to my alma mater for a basketball game. :)

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  17. I wish I had your calmness.....and call those cankles? pah...I'll see your cankles and raise you a bloated belly.......enjoy travelling with your kids while you can...

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  18. The one shoe picture cracks me upppp. That would so totally be me. I'm a mess when I travel!

    http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

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  19. There is nothing glam about air travel! Well maybe if you ever went first class, but can anyone afford to other than Russian oligarchs?
    I have seen Pan Am, it is absolute rubbish but strangely addictive.

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  20. whoo i don't miss long flights! my friend has the ankle swelling too when she flies. i'm glad you had safe travels.

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  21. I don't travel much these days ...but used to jetset all over the world and have to say...travel is SO NOT glamorous! lol.

    Happy New Year!
    C

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  22. But then Joan Collins ended up with Campari all down her front last time I saw her on a plane (google the ad if you've not seen it)!

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  23. Ah, welcome back and a very happy new year to you as well! Air travel is the worst. Can't even get started on that subject. So very uncivilized.

    I too, am very happy to have found you in this blog world. And I highly recommend making that white bean spread. I just had some on a bit of toast and it was divine. Cheers!

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  24. Happy New Year to you!!!! :)

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  25. Isn't the whole point of the journey to be part of the adventure! I tuckinto the whole thing, though not alcohol. There again as a family we have only flown once...what it will be like in April when we go to South Africa will be another matter! I am taking notes!

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  26. Happy New Year.
    Have to agree with Tabitha, flying first class really makes a difference, especially to England (thanks to my brother). But first class, or not, nothing is glamorous about disembarking in crumpled, be-crumbed clothing!

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  27. I really like this post!!! thanks for your visit, now I am happy to be your follower, and I hope you want follow me back!! (also on facebook!)
    http://keepintouchwithfashion.blogspot.com/ have a wonderful day… keep in touch…

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  28. I had my purse stolen in Baltimore over the new year, and then found again by a janitor in a trash chute and got food poisoning back in England! So yes, lots of exciting stories over the holidays! Travel IS so glamorous!

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