M-M-Meltdown

The other night I caught the kids scraping their dinner into the garbage and eating bowls of Cookie Crisp cereal that somehow they had smuggled into the house. The end of a very bad day. If I wasn't so angry I would have cried.

Stinson Beach seven years ago. Their first taste of crap cereal. Like crack!

I emailed my husband:

"We need to talk about the kids. I just can't take it anymore. They are home all afternoon from 3pm to 3.30, earlier on a lot of other days, until you get home at 7pm and that is five hours of watching television, fighting, rudeness and me asking them six times to do things and them screaming back at me.

I just feel like crying all the time, I am at my wits' end. I want to do my work but this rage and rudeness from them is just sapping me. I think you might have had a glimpse into it for one week but I don't think you understand what it's like putting up with this day after day, month after month.

At this stage I just want to do my work, I don't want to deal with them anymore. Nothing about being with them is fun or rewarding, there is no point in the afternoon that I feel its all worth it - they are rude, swearing, nasty. I dread getting up in the morning.

The fact that you are now coming home at 7pm instead of 6pm has been extending the day even longer. You either need to start coming home at 6pm every night or just leave bedtime to me. I don't think you realise how awful much that extra hour is.

Harley did nothing all summer for 10 weeks and and since school has done nothing for the last three months. Like Jackson he is full of rage and anger because he doesn't do any exercise. Jackson didn't do the dishes last night, didn't bring in the bins, just screams and curses all the time. Tallulah didn't come home when I told her to, her phone was down as usual and C had to bring her home as she was so late. She lied this morning about taking her pills, just one thing in a thousand interactions that is negative and soul destroying. I've taken her phone off her and she can't walk home this week. 

We need to step in and take measure. I am doing research about boarding schools because I think that is the best option. If he's not at tennis Cy just needs to stay at AdventureTime. 

At this stage too I want to cancel Thanksgiving - or maybe I should go away for a week. I just can't face handling more people."

I recently told a friend that what I liked about blogging was I can write what I like. That's not always true - because I don't want to offend or come across as a shrew. But today I did. This morning I woke up feeling slightly better, a friend had emailed me some boarding schools and it feels like I have a little piece of a security blanket in my back pocket.