Friday, April 6, 2012

Don't Hate Me 'Cause I'm Beautiful!

All hell has broken loose in England after a blonde journalist called Samantha Brick wrote an article for the Daily Mail complaining how beautiful she is. And how women hate her for it. Poor thing.

Samantha Brick in the Daily Mail Photo: Grant Triplow

Samantha Brick Photo: Grant Triplow

Expat Mum and Curry Queen wrote brilliant pieces about how they could totally identify with her. I can't fight it any longer. Like the lemming I am -  albeit a hot and fabby one - I have to join in.

This is how people see me.

Source

And this is how I looked first thing this morning. Sooo similar right? Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful!

Picture of me this morning

I was almost tempted not to put up this candid pic as I know you, your spouses, your children and your pets will be using it as a screensavers. 

I have long learned to accept those many compliments that come my way. A couple of examples:

*"After breastfeeding four kids, your boobs look like poached eggs on hangers." That good? Honestly people -  who doesn't like poached eggs! And hangers? They are so blimin' useful!

*"You'll never be any great oil painting - best you pay attention at school." This was said to me when I was 12. I'm just glad I did because after eight years at university and three degrees I got to be a stay-at-home Mum being bossed around by four little folk. Re-sult!

*"I'm afraid you've got the typical middle-aged flat pancake arse." Again with the yummy breakfast food that everyone loves! Keep it coming!

*"Your teeth are very buck because of mis-mating. Small chin, big mouth and large teeth. A challenge for us." This from a dentist when I was ten years old. It doesn't get much better than that! "Mismating" - I'm sooo special!

I won't go on, you're already seething with envy I can tell. And now - here are some beauty tips for the rest of you guys. 

1. Don't let your kids put the "Photo Booth" app onto your computer because it identifies every wrinkle you have. You will not look as rested, and frankly, as stunning as I do in the above photo.

2. Do not buy an i-pad. The screen is too shiny and like Photo Booth will reflect every wrinkle and imperfection you have.

3. Slant all mirrors backwards. Yes: back,  back,  back.  And stand well away. In the other room is good. I have always found this is a true reflection of how incredibly slim, long and vein-free my legs are.

You see, I'm not only bloody gorg, but giving and kind as well. Mother Theresa meets Scarlett Johansson comes to mind. Read and weep.

62 comments:

  1. You're a gas Jody as we say over here!! I love visiting your blog, as I always cheer up immensely reading your posts!! Thanks for the tip about slanting the mirrors! Have a fabulous weekend:)
    ~Anne

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  2. i love it! i read this yesterday and was shocked at her words! i prefer your post much more than hers!!!

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  3. You are so funny! Keep on keeping it real soul sista!

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  4. Hilarious! You always make me laugh.

    I went to read the article. Talk about woman-on-woman crime, but coming from the author who claims it's the other way around. I don't think it's her looks that cause women to shy away from her - haha! I've always said when women/men complain about other women/men being jealous of their looks/success, to run away. If people who have no sexual interest in you think you're a jerk, you're probably a jerk. :)

    Jenn

    Jenn

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  5. Jody you make me laugh harder than P'atrique and that's a great compliment. I think you're beautiful, but then, you know that!

    xo Mary Jo

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  6. A good avatar covers a multitude of sins....
    Sx

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  7. Dear Jody, I'm laughing loud out here. Here is to embracing natural beauty at every age. And because we're on the subject, here is to more non-photoshopped magazine covers and editorials as was in the case of the latest issue of Intelligent Life with Cate Blanchett on the cover (she has some make-up on, but at least it was not digitally altered). Have a wonderful weekend! xo
    Ada

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  8. .....people are convinced I look like Barbie...
    Sx

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  9. This was hysterical and charming and real life! Love it, especially "you best pay attention at school". You're gorg!!!

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    Replies
    1. Oh... And what was that woman thinking? NOT jealous in the least!

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  10. Haha you have me rolling over here! You never fail to make me crack up.

    I saw her article the other day and was like, is this girl kidding me? Why is she opening herself up for such ridicule????

    Have a great weekend! xoxo

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  11. Some of those comments from the dentists etc are shocking. You are an oil-painting girl! Although like you, I try to stay away from that bloody photo booth as much as possible. One reason why I don't "vlog" is because of the way it makes me look. The one ten-second vlog I ever did took me about three hours to do because I was all over the house looking for "good light", and I had to hold my Mac up in the air to get the "tilted mirror" effect. Just not worth it.

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  12. Who was your dentist? Heinrich Himmler?
    You are so funny :)

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  13. You crack me up. I'd trade any and all lOoks for your wit and charm. Unfair that I have that and your looks! The poached eggs...that's going go stuck with me. I typically go for the deflated balloon analog when looking at mine.

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  14. Too funny! Seriously, I am in stitches!

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  15. Replies
    1. Also, what the hell?! Samantha Brick looks pretty darn ordinary to me!

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  16. OMG this had me in stitches! But I must say, I do think you are very beautiful. More beautiful for being able to laugh at yourself too. :)

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    Replies
    1. Also, my boobs look like fried eggs. I prefer poached, so I envy you. You will never be allowed to meet my husband. :|

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  17. You made me snort my beer, not a pretty picture...

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  18. Yes, well, um . . . an interesting post.

    Samantha is average attractive. Not as beautiful as a rose or anything. I'll bet she has "character." She also needs a ladder, to help her get over herself.

    Eggs? Pancakes? That reminds me; it's past dinner time.

    I love that angelic picture of you. So amazingly natural. The second one looks Photoshopped.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

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  19. Oh you are hilarious! I wish I would have found your blog sooner. You are gorgeous darling and so much more brilliant and likable than that Brick woman.

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  20. I like your piece about Samantha. It’s hilarious. Beauty is in the inside. It’s true. A good reason for contentment.

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  21. Haha Jody - I reckon I could match you for gorgeousness first thing in the morning! And what was that dentist thinking? I hope you did a reflex knee-jerk and caught him in the cobblers! Brilliant post - thanks for the laugh!!

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  22. If only my boobs looked like poached eggs! A couple of old marrows here. And point 3 was my favourite. This is a technique I will be employing from now on.

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  23. Jody you are priceless! and gorgeous too, beautiful inside and out....now this mirror trick thingy? does it work????

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  24. Mmmnn - I only believe in very very small, miniscule even, dentist-sized mirrors for one-eyelash-at-a-time make-up appliance. Haven't put on lipstick for aeons cos I can't stand seeing the lippy/chinny wrinkles. Avoid all public toilets big mirrors and you can still believe...... Oh and never go shopping. Simple. x

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  25. Spooky! You and the gorgeous Samantha Brick could be sisters.... 'cept you got the looks!

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  26. thanks for sharing your words of wisdom. the whole samantha brick thing seems a little ridiculous and over the top to me, but at least it's started some real conversations...

    have a great weekend
    cheers!
    cailen
    www.lifestylemaven.org

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  27. love your blog! It's so nice!!! I follow you!
    Pass to my blog and if it likes you follow me too, I will be so glad :D
    kisses
    http://francescagiusti.blogspot.com/

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  28. Oh, I laughed so hard when I read this - you are hilarious! I heard a teaser about this woman's article, so I'll have to read it. In additon to mirrors tilted backward, I also recommends rose-colored lighting in various rooms. It's amazing how fabulous one can look in that lighting! :)

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  29. Haha! I positively love you for posting this! I read about Samantha Brick's story just the other day and was surprised to see what an uproar it has caused on the Web! :P

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  30. I totally needed to read this this morning. Hilarious!

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  31. So funny and BTW, I don't think she's THAT attractive.. I'm with ya sista.. all about good lighting {or candle light) and distance. I always tell my husband to stand WAY back. Filters are great and I guess it's best my eyes are going because it sort of blurs things a bit.

    Way to go on this one! Well done :) Have a wonderful weekend!

    leslie

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  32. Great blog post. Being here in England and having read the article by Samantha Brick, I can't really understand what reaction she expected. 1st of all as a red blooded male I think I can say: she's ok, not the worst looking woman I've ever seen, but I proberbly wouldn't notice her if she walked past me in the street. She's certainly not a beauty; she's just an average looking girl, who I certainly wouldn't try to chat up. 2nd, I'm not sure what reaction she was expecting from the general public, after all, even if she was the most beautiful, desirable woman in Engkand: NO ONE likes a big head. Most people here think its some sort of publicity trick. Anyway I've rambled on enough for today. Great blog post by the way.

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  33. Olá from Portugal :)

    "After breastfeeding four kids, your boobs look like poached eggs on hangers."
    I breastfed twins - I can relate to this statement! Luv your morning picture I thought I was looking in the mirror for a mo
    :) Thanks for swinging by my blog :)

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  34. haha this made me giggle! and i cannot believe she thinks she's so amazing. i could name dozens prettier on the inside as well as out

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  35. i actually thought that article was a joke when i saw it, did you see the follow up where she listed all the people (celebs included ) who were commenting on it...Smells a bit like a boosting your readership thing to me.

    *now am off to parade up and down and be overwhelmed by offers of champers*

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  36. You mean her article isn't an Onion piece?
    I'd put her at average at best.

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  37. oh my gosh this made me laugh so hard. loved this post :) and lovely catching up indeed!

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  38. Love it - the Brick brouhaha has been hilarious. Can identify with *so* much of this - poached eggs :)

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  39. Better and Better ideas and style.

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  40. Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. As for Samantha Brick, she sure knows how to get publicity for herself!

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  41. Poached eggs and pancakes: my favourite breakfast. Yum!

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  42. Hi-larious!!

    And I love all breakfast foods. Referring to my body parts as breakfast foods would never hurt my feelings.

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  43. I'm laughing so hard right now. Thank you! You brighten up my day. This is so much like the way I would react. Poached eggs on hangers! So funny!

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  44. Hey Jody, do you have a link to the original article? Sorry if I missed it.
    xx
    maya

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  45. you're always sooo funny Jody & a perfect mix of Scarlett Jo & Mother T, well isn't that dentist just amazing!

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  46. I am cracking up from this post! Love your take on this controversial article! xo style, she wrote

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  47. you are fabulous :D

    xx

    www.sickbytrend.com

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  48. I love your blog and the things you write about. That photo and your comments made me giggle. Am back in Blighty, my word the quality of writing over here is absolutely fearsome. I don't think I stand a chance of getting any freelance work so I'm going to spend the year 'enjoying' my children. xx

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  49. OMG, you are funnier than ever!! Great tips for all of us beauties.

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  50. hello,

    just to say hello and thanks for sharing, your blog is a ray of sunshine.

    regards,
    richard

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  51. Great post and pictures! I love it :D

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  52. Great blog structure.

    I would love to follow your beautiful blog! <3 maybe we can follow each other?



    FashionSpot.ro

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  53. I LOVE this post!! I read about that poor beautiful women...she seems to need someone to love and something to do!

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  54. Hilarious!
    My first thought was that she is nothing to look at to be honest. At least she has confidence.

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  55. I just read the article (THE ARTICLE). I would not be questioning someone's beauty though it does sound tacky if one says I'm so beautiful. I don't have any problem with someone saying something like: finally, by the age of (fill in the blank), I feel comfortable with the way I look.
    But this lady... something smell fishy here. Is this a joke, did she write the article to play on peoples emotions?... I don't know but something is not right with the staged photos of her with this totally red-necky "french husband" (by the way, I didn't know they had rednecks in France, I thought all french people were uber chic) LOL
    xx
    have a great week this week, Jody!

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    1. Totally agree - I did think everyone in France was uber chic but maybe not after all, will have to consult with with Aussie friend in Nice who says all my conceptions about France are utterly wrong (case in point; French women are not naturally thin, they just smoke ciggies and drink coffee all day long...)

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