|Me with the photoshopped legs needed for this dress...|
The above purple thingy is my latest purchase - a consumate "where-the-fuck-are-your-pants?" number.
Please don't look at the following photos if you are pregnant or you have a heart condition. This is how exposed it left my legs when I sat down...
|No, please, please...|
|My eyes! My eyes!|
|Jody: I beg you not to bend over.|
And even if the celebs are doing it, it doesn't look right on them either.
|Girls! Get back inside and put your pants on! 1. 2. 3 .4.|
I don't know how I was talked into buying the purple DVF tunic. "It's not a tunic" said the sales ass. "It's a proper dress. You wear it with this belt - it looks great on you!" No it didn't, but I loved the colour so I suggested white jeans underneath. "If you have to wear pants - white leggings or jeggings" replied the sales ass.
No I don't do those - they just make my cellulite look white. And the next sales ass. who suggests leggings or jeggings to me (or worse - bicycle shorts!) will get a jolly good clip around the ear. Or at least a challenge to a dance-off. (No one bests my Dougy)
The DVF tunic-dress is going back. Usually Diane Von Furstenberg is reliable for a comfortable but sassy look for all ages. Et tu Diane?
Cy, 8, took a look at me sitting down. "Mum, that's brutal." Of course "brutal" is his new favourite word, but fair dues, this was a good use of it.
So the truth was spoken. And if even one designer reconsiders their hemlines, my work on this earth is done.