Thursday, October 11, 2012

You Know You're A Kiwi When...


The Houzz article yesterday about our house -  "Kiwi coastal style in Oakland" - got me thinking about what it is to be a Kiwi. Any one of you could be a closet Kiwi, check out the requirements below...

You're a Kiwi when...

Good Kiwi holiday with the kids: Mum with Tony, Sharon, me and the Ford Falcon, Maraetai,  1968

1. You know being called a "dag" (good sort) is a compliment - even though it literally means a poopy blob hanging off a sheep's tail.

2. You wrote to Cadbury's (on tear-stained paper) when they made their big blocks smaller and started using palm oil instead of cocoa butter.  Public pressure made them change back. Don't fuck with our choccy, man!

3. Fridee night finds you at the Garden Centre, whatever your age or number of tattoes. Seriously. Gardening is the No. 1 pastime in NZ. Ask any New Zealander to name five perennials, quickasyoucan.

3. No matter how posh or successful you get, you still say at a bar: "Noone touch my drink, gotta take a slash."

4. When you were a kid your Dad wore "walk shorts" and knee-high socks with garters every day to work (a la Murray in Flight Of the Conchords) and you only just realised that was quite funny.

5. You always say "we" even if it's just you. The thing is...your mates (friends) could show up any minit and make it a "we".

6. You think: "What a bloody drongo" when your boss drones on.

7. Your sentences always go up at the end, eh??? Like a question, eh???

8. Everyone you know has something to get them out onto the water: a catamaran, a sail boat, a dingy, a yacht ...and it doesn't mean they're rich or privileged.

Rowing with Auntie and Uncle, Maraetai, 1970

9. When Coronation Street switched from nightly to twice a week the public outcry was front page news, and the national network had to change it back. Our then 89-year-old grandfather, who was from Manchester, was at the front of the protest stampede.

10. You know what it means when everyone says "O for awesome." That is courtesy of our world title boxer David Tua appearing many years ago on a competition show where he had to spell something. He was being serious.

11. Yours is the only culture in the world where "Yeah no, no, no, yeah" is a common phrase and known by all to be a "Yes".  As in: "Yeah I know what you mean, no truly I do, and yes, no, you're right."

12. You are not surprised when the Prime Minister of NZ sits down next to you on your domestic flight and has a chat about whether to choose the lollies (jet planes and jaffas) or the small bag of chips (potato crisps) as your snack on the flight when the flight attendant comes around.

13. When awareness/fundraiser campaigns means getting the phone number of NZ-famous people from your local mechanic (literally!) and making great songs. This year's cases in point: Flight of the Conchords and the Cure Kids campaign. And the Pink Ribbon Breast cancer awareness.

14. A disconcerting number of your old classmates who live down the beach from your parents seem to have won Olympic medals. Which makes it pretty awkward for your parents if they want to have a quick "skite" (show off) about your measly achievements. (Seriously. Taking population in account, Kiwis were 3rd overall.)

15. You watch this video and you laugh and cry and watch it again... Beached As...

16. You put on 15 lbs during your "OE" (two years overseas experience, mandatory for Kiwis). No worries, you'll cover up your fat arse up with your Adidas tracky pants. You put on a couple more lbs, the zips on the sides break, what the heck, turn the other cheek.

17. No matter how shitty your day, if your Mum were here to whip up a batch of date scones, it'd all be goodasgold.

18. You were brought up in a tiny town in Bumfucknowhere (not swearing, it's a technical term.) You spent the first half of your life trying to get the hell out of there - and the next half trying to get back. Too late, you can't afford it...James Cameron just bought it up.

19. However old you get, you'll always be "Madeleine and Arthur's eldest girl, you know the one with the pimples who never had a boyfriend...poor thing."


Caravan holidays with the Hendersons (me top right, age 15) 


Chime in with your own suggestions! Both mud (bad) and choice (good).

(And thanks to Pietra Brettkelly and Sharon (above left) for contributions, the sweary words are all mine.)



58 comments:

  1. Great post! I think there is quite a few things there we could all relate to:)
    ~Anne

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  2. When I was in my 20s, I had a Kiwi boss - your post has brought back some very funny memories. Love your posts, always guaranteed a good laugh. How are you surviving without Cadburys in California btw? No US chocolate can compare!

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    1. Thankfully the store at the end of our road has a whole aisle for British stuff so we're all set for choccy buttons - and baked beans. Nirvana...

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  3. I am SO curious in what context you'd use "dag" as a compliment. Especially now knowing the real meaning. Smart, pretty, ability to "hang in there"? :)

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    1. Someone makes a joke or does something silly you will say: "You're such a dag" bit of a laugh.

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  4. I keep forgetting to send you this link. A friend from High School now lives in NZ. Just send her the link to you as well. http://avillagelifenz.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks Danielle, will click in toot sweet!

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  5. Did you raid my photo box LOL, the only difference is mine where taken in the South Island LOL

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    1. Vicky - yes, isn't it funny how our holiday snaps looks interchangeable with other families?

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  6. Can I be an honorary Kiwi if I laugh at each point of your checklist? #16 is my fav.

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  7. hehehe Guilty of #5 and #7 and totally LOL-ing at #9.

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  8. Right, then, eh? Delightful list. Thanks so much for sharing it.

    Now, about Mr. Cameron. . . .

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  9. Greatest apologies for calling you "Australian" in one of my past comments.

    How gracious of you for not severely correcting me - as I am sure there are differences.. though I am at a loss and unaware of just how different.

    Wishing I were Kiwi! :-)

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    1. Hi Linda - no worries - some of my best friends are Aussies, so no harm no foul as they would say!

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  10. New Zealand sounds like such a great place. A beautiful land populated by people who are not 'up themselves'. Cadbury chocolate and Corrie.. result!

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  11. Being Kiwi is knowing about Paua fritters, Steinlager and Mainland epicure cheddar... Knowing that Gibbston Valley Reserve 2000 won Gold for best pinot noir in the world and around the same time Lindauer Reserve beat all the Champagnes in a blind tasting... Knowing who Trelise Cooper is, and that the Bedingfields are Kiwis; being able to sing along to a Kiri Te Kanawa album coz you grew up listening to them... But best of all, being able to sing "Nous sommes les Champions de la Monde" to all the bloody French rugby fanatics you meet...!

    Always love your stories Jody!

    Love from Steph Haworth

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    1. Great to hear from you all the way from Dunos, Steph!

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  12. Great list. I have a friend who emigrated to NZ and then came back several years later and spoke with her endings up (as it were). It took her quite a while to get out of that habit again, but I was happy when she did because I kept wondering if she was asking for validation for everything she said! :)

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  13. These are brilliant, love those kinds of things :)) Hope you have a wonderful weekend xx

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  14. Well I don't pass the Kiwi test but I sure did learn a lot, LOL!!! Love Di ♥

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  15. Love this! I'm with you on the Cadbury's...wth was that about?

    A CorrieSt...I think even our prime minister has gone on record as saying there would be a riot if it was cancelled here. We were almost a year behind for a long time and recently got almost caught up - I think the PM got sick of fielding calls from Corrie fans!

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  16. Oh Jody---- I can always count on you for a giggle! It is so funny how we do certain things culturally that seem especially funny to outsiders! My sister and I are constantly laughing at our Germanisms... (currently mine include trying to dictate the birth of the baby!).....

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  17. Haha so cute!!! Different cultures are so interesting to me. Fun learning more about yours :)

    Have a great weekend, Jody! xoxo

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  18. So cute! I had no idea Kiwi vernacular has so many interesting sayings/words!

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  19. I'm an Aussie, so I don't know all of them but I think I did okay ~ maybe I could be an honorary kiwi - I've shared with enough in my London days & my best friend is one!
    Happy Weekend!

    Melissah

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  20. only here do i get this kind of humor/knowledge/vocabulary.

    {and OH, do i appreciate it.}

    happy weekend my [kiwi] friend!! xoxo

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  21. This was really fun to read Jody. I had no idea about so many of these sayings! What a unique and very cool part of the world to be from. I hope to get to New Zealand one day soon. I know I'll love it and the people too, if they are anything like you.
    xo
    Kim

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  22. I totally love Kiwi lingo. I had a pen pal who lived in New Zealand when I was in high school, and she would always toss it in every now and again when she was writing to me! :P

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  23. This is so great, but you turned me on to these videos now--I watched the whole blue whale video and want to watch all of them now. I'm a bit sad about the James Cameron thing though. Are you going to move back one day?
    xo Mary Jo

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  24. Did you say "eh?" Canucks do too. :D

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    1. We will have a common language when I go Canucking oop North

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  25. That's why I always think itis a compliment when people say Irish and Kiwi's are very similar

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  26. What a fun post! I cracked up over the "eh" one.. eh? :) xo style, she wrote

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  27. I laughed till I cried reading down this list... yeah, nah, yeah is the Aussie equivalent of 11, and good old bfn - I get such strange looks when I use that term here!

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  28. I think I would be very much at home there!

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  29. I wrote O for awesome on FB about one of my blog posts a few weeks ago and someone corrected my spelling. I directed them to the appropriate David Tua reference. The Olypmpic medal one made me laugh - I am constantly rolling my eyes at my husband's introductions to his mates who 'played for the ABs' or 'who won bronze in the men's downhill'

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  30. Two of my oldest, dearest friends are Kiwis. She is a very pretty potter and he a painter: Jenny and Michael Browne.
    They are my age group - Jenny a little younger dammit.
    Sadly they have gone back to live in Wellington NZ.

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  31. I thought only Canadians said "eh". Great list and I bet it brought a tear or two to your eye to write it:)

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  32. I think I'm definitely half Kiwi, according to that list, or does that make me a wi-wi? Dunno...

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  33. I'm sure I told you this, but I traveled there for few weeks about 3 years ago. So these made me laugh. Specially the last 1!

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  34. Oh what a fun list!! Some of them really made me laugh!

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  35. Oh! Can I say I featured you first? haha!

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  36. Charming! I love #3!

    So glad to have you stop by my blog. Thrilled to have found yours!

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  37. Loved this post!! It is so funny!! The ”eh” thing made me lol!!

    I hope you are having a good week so far!

    xoxoxo

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  38. This was hilarious to read! I must ask my Kiwi friends about a few of these. I remember when Cadbury changed their packing, it was the end of an era. I still feel cheated everytime i buy a block.

    xx Jenee C.
    {camo meets couture}

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  39. this is sooooo fun to read!

    Ps; Join my Glamour: Making it Modern book Giveaway [US ONLY] on Style Diaries



    FOLLOW: BLOGLOVIN / TWITTER / FACEBOOK / TUMBLR

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  40. Yep, there is only a hairsbreadth between Kiwis and Brits -we both call a spade a spade!

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  41. I always love stopping by your blog and really need to do it more often...Kiwis sound like a fun group of people to hang out with! What a quirky culture...and I love it!

    Happy Day to you! xoxo

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  42. This is so cool... I didn't know any of these!

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  43. I howled with laughter just reading the list. Could. Not. Stop. Howling. I razz the hubs all the time cos he talks like this? That dvd was so funny? And the guy broke the other dude's nose? Good, eh?

    Don't get me started on gardening. Dad's pride and joy. To this day, I haven't quite figured out the difference between peonies and magnolias.

    As for the Prime Minister. I used to see Helen Clark at Les Mills all the time. We'd nod in acknowledgement while trying to pump iron. Hey, she said. Hey, howareya, I muttered. Pump pump pump. See you later. "yeah, see you", I muttered. Every single week.

    And the water thing. I don't get it. My brother's obsessed with deep sea fishing. Seriously, how many cod can one eat. Cod fish fingers, battered cod, grilled cod...etc

    O.E? Amen, sistah! It's a rite of passage that every Kiwi has got to experience.

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    1. Razz? A claaaassic! Les Mills. Oh heck the memories are pouring back, eh

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  44. Love this picture from the late sixties. First I thought "Oh my God is that Jackie Kennedy ?"

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    ReplyDelete

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