|Bret McKenzie on the red carpet Photo: Mario Anzuoni/Reuters|
I don't know of anyone who saw Tree of Life and didn't end up doing their utility bills by the light of their iPhone. Same with Iron Lady despite Meryl Streep's ever-charming shrugs, head turns and enigmatic smiles. The only resonating scene from The Descendants was George trotting in his flip-flops around the corner to friends. My Week With Marilyn: great ensemble cast but a slight movie... Michelle Williams is a sweetie pie and captured the spirit of the tortured star, but distractingly, looked nothing like her.
I can't pretend I watched any of the Oscars, some All-Star game was on the same time, so now you know the master of the remote in our house is an eight year old boy called Cy.
But I did take the opportunity to hand out a few of my own awards during the weekend.
The Descendants Award for best Dad on the island:
While I was in Berlin and London Kevin looked after the kids for 10 days without any help - and ran a business at the same time. His email to me in London: "We miss you as a mother and wife but also as an eligible driver." I arrived home and he didn't seem too crazy...
The Midnight In Paris (Dali) Award for best line:
Man Ray: A man in love with a woman from a different era. I see a photograph!
Luis Buñuel: I see a film!
Gil: I see insurmountable problem!
Salvador Dalí: I see rhinoceros!
I arrived home from London to find 10 packets of beef jerky in the cupboard. Anyone who doesn't know what this is: it's dried beef in plastic which does not need refrigeration. There is nothing about any of those words that should be together in one sentence. I immediately went to throw it out. Kevin said: "Don't touch that - I just joined the Jerky of the Month Club and that's my first shipment." Retract above.
The Hugo Award for winding us up all the time:
Cy, eight, says the f-bomb three times and is video taped by his brothers, Harley, 14 and Jackson, 12. As explanation for his cussing Cy said: "They took a bite out of my peanut butter sandwich while I went to the bathroom." Fair enough? Just don't put that tape on YouTube, I said to Harley and Jackson. (Good parenting, right?)
The Iron Lady Award for services to motherhood:
For an hour yesterday I heard loud piercing screams coming from outside. Not wanting to be a helicopter parent I paid them no mind and went back to my random online viewing of red shoes. Eventually I glanced outside to see that all three boys had take off their shirts and were batting each other really hard with ping pong balls. All of them were totally covered with red welts in the shape of balls. What an inventive game, kids! (Sometimes it's just all worthwhile...)
The Descendants Award for being comatose throughout:
This last week I have been sleeping morning noon and night, jet-lagged, discombobulated and not knowing whether I am Arthur or Martha. But George, I could be revived. (Oh Jody ...BeHave!)
The Artist Award for maintaining silence when needed:
No recipients this year.
Any award giving in your weekend?