Thursday, February 20, 2014

Five Ways To Stop The Wanting! Oh,The Wanting!

Just found Victoria's Secret catalogue in the letterbox, gosh they have navy booties that would fill that gaping hole in my wardrobe. And suddenly here I am... sitting at the computer and diving into an online rabbit hole of researching every navy booty in the universe. Help me! Help me! Do you have little techniques to stop the wanting of better clothes, better house stuff, better holidays, better life?  (And seriously, do Pinterest, blogs and phethora of catalogues make the wanting worse or better I wonder?) Janet has written a really great post on how she quiets her wants.

My neighbour's mail table today.

1. Janet says she uses catalogues and an online shopping site against themselves. "For instance, when looking through the Pottery Barn catalog and something catches my eye, say a beautiful bedroom with gorgeous bedding, I tell myself...wow, I already own a comfortable bed and nice bedding... I'm not struck with the feeling that I have to buy, but rather I get the feeling of how lucky I am that I already own what they are trying to sell me."

With a J. Crew catalog she'll tear our a page, realise she has something similar, and use it to wear her clothes in different ways.

2. Wendy followed up saying she found herself tired of being an "enthusastic consumer. Happy events, stressful events, any event were often an excuse to 'reward' myself with a 'treat.'"

She says: "I can say now that when I see lovely clothes on everyone's else's blogs I feel very happy for the person involved, but I no longer feel the need to think that I 'need' that too. And since I have a smaller budget for clothing, I have become incredibly selective about what I buy. New purchases now have a feeling of special-ness that did not occur before."

3. Love also Dani BP's post on this subject: "...I feel that I have come around to a wardrobe encompassing "Clothes that will be valuable to the future you" as opposed to "Clothes that excite the current you" completely the hard way....

"High quality clothes will be expensive but when factoring in production and materials the price is fair.  Good things can be passed on to rascal daughters furthering their use.  If a colour story is kept top-of-mind the outfit making is easy."

What do I do?

4. Banned myself from shopping online. Trouble is, every major store in the US is ten minutes drive from my door.

5. Ten years ago I stopped all catalogues (though VS,  Design Within Reach and the doorstop tome of Restoration Hardware have crept in). But I kind of miss them..

Just realised my tips are more about Samurai shopping rather than replacing want with gratitude. I resolve to keep evolving....Psst while you're here, what do you think of these other navy booties anyway - no URL to the VS ones (no, no don't answer that.)

Do you worry about your wanting?


61 comments:

  1. Well, I'm not very good at this, so I can't give you any fab tips.
    I don't tend to covet what others have, just what I'd like to complete the look (be it home/ outfit etc).
    I do know that impulse buying on the net is a problem for me. I try to think about a purchase for a while now. If I still like/ want it in 48 hours I'll buy it. And I've stopped idly looking and delete the emails as they arrive in my inbox without looking at them. Even if they have a discount code or sale. Well, maybe once a week I'll have a quick flick around cyberspace to see.... Luckily I hate shopping in real life, so bricks and mortars stores are no temptation to me. xx

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    1. All your frock photos look so good though and considered, they don't look impulse

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    2. They are impulse! Usually they put up one of those annoying things saying "Hurry, last one left in your size!" and then I start to panic and think I don't have time to think. I have actually lost a few things thinking about them, and don't regret it... so you could say that a few of my frocks would not be missed (although I do like them all)!

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    3. Oh shoot, I thought that sign was specially for me? So it's not? Devastated...

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  2. Okay....here goes...you might be shocked..I have arranged to get my weekly paycheck into my husband's account...I know. Frankly, something had to be done. I can easily change the deposit via my own Payroll Dept. If I need to. Trouble is, he is not a spender but had no problem with me buying whatever I wanted. Not a good combination. I do stay away from 'leisure shopping' these days...I used to easily spend 200$ without any planning. My husband has always had a 'No Junk Mail, Thanks' sign, too. I actually miss the catalogues! But not looking certainly stops you wanting!

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    1. I trick myself that I'll just wander into a beautiful boutique stand there and say Aaah as if it were a free spa experience (I don't do spas) taking a break from work,but there is always the insidious trying on 'just in case."

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  3. Oh gosh yes - I worry about it but I can't stop it. It's why I read so many curating blogs and why I start the process of sorting out my wardrobe to assess what I have and love and then leave the rest in a huge mess in the spare bedroom that no one dares go in. I've loved magazines ever since I was old enough to subscribe to Bunty and Mandy and followed that up with Just Seventeen and then Elle and so on ...

    ... and even though I don't need them, right now, I want green suede pointy shoes. Just because I do.

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    1. Hi Sue! Bunty, now there's a name. I was always jealous of my friend who bought Mandy, though not so envious of her Tiger Beats (what ever happened to Lief garrett?)

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    2. Tiger Beat! Did you know Tony DeFranco has a website????

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    3. will tell my friend Sue who used to buy Tiger Beat!

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  4. All the catalogs and things they throw at you to buy stuff gets a little bit annoying at times. I tend to buy what I need, now and again I will splurge, but I get rid of one old thing when I buy a new thing, it keeps me from shopping at times because eventually i come to a point where the things I have in my closet I love or are relatively still new & I wouldn't want to give them away. So, this has worked well for me. And it keeps my wardrobe to a manageable amount. We all want something we see, there is always something we think is better than what we have, but the more we appreciate what we do have, the less those things have an effect on us!! I think it's all about being grateful and appreciating, then we won't pay attention too much to what we think we need or want :) xx

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    1. I'll have to slip a gratitude quote into my purse a la Wendy.

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  5. Not really, I mostly buy out of need, right now all of my gym socks have holes in them so I need new socks, I wear things into the ground! On the whole I shop in May then October.

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    1. Could you get me some too while you're there - Cy nicks all mine

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  6. Oh you made me laugh - thanks for the shout out! I think the blog world makes it a little harder, because someone has always bought something (even me yesterday with my $23 duvet cover score.)

    you know what is helping me? And before I write this, I know this sounds airy fairy. I wrote out the things I most value in life and the emotions I most want to have (no I am not this clever got it out of a book) on a lovely little red card and put it in my wallet. It's there to remind me that living within my means is an investment in me, not a punishment. I didn't go into debt for things, but there were a lot of trips we could have taken, things I could have done except for all the clothes that cam regularly to my door. But I'm not going to lie. I miss it sometimes when I see blog friends shopping. But then I remind myself that they likely have more money than me right now or are in a different place. In the end, I think I would be doing this right now regardless of trying to support myself as a writer. I am just kind of sick of shopping as a vocation. I reserve the right to change my mind however! ;-(

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    1. My friend always says to me, instead of spending time shopping just head to the gym. There is a shoppe on the way there though...

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  7. I do shop online-- but I am selective- not impulsive. As for being appreciative for what I do have, I think the key is really defining my priorities. As in, do I love clothes? Absolutely. But is clothing one of the most important things in my life. Not a chance.

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    1. Are the stores tempting in Singapore? Must be loads of colorful floaty stuff?

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  8. My current house is tiny and full so that quells those wants. I find that the capsule wardrobe is helping on the clothing side, which is my weakness! If I have 200 items in my closet, I don't think twice about adding a bunch more. Now I think - is this nice enough to be one of ten pieces I'd wear seasonally? But I still want... Oh, do I want! I'm going to try the "shop in your closet" approach of your first suggestion.

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    1. Renting a two bed flat in London did the trick too, they had all the furniture and even the towels and cutlery.

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    2. Jen - are you kind of doing the Secrets of Madam Chic or 333?

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  9. I used to want a lot but these days I want very very little. I have simplified my life a great deal. And it really makes for a happier life!!

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  10. I have clicked everywhere but can't find a link to those navy booties! Wouldn't a pair of navy booties be perfect with jeans?

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    1. Hi Berly, VS had no link so just posted some "too spensy not going to buy them" booties from Rag and Bone

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    2. Of course you couldn't post links to the every navy bootie in the Universe - and I could easily get to the VS website. I was just being funny! (I made myself laugh.) (Shouldn't there be a mnemonic for that - IMML, or IAMML - I actually made myself laugh. But possible IATOOL - I am the only one laughing.) (Better yet - IAMATOOL - I am myself alone the only one laughing.)

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    3. Hi Beryl, Ha ha A bit of linky travel is always a good thing...and I love your new mnemonic (and what i love most is that you can spell that word!)

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  11. Well I bought a bikini this morning on the JCrew sale which I had vowed not to do, but I'm happy for it. I wanted a bikini quite badly, I like them much better than a one piece swimsuit. I've got stretch marks something terrible from having those kids but who cares eh, battle scars!
    I do worry about wanting stuff I have to say, though I'm not usually influenced by blogs or catalogues... it's the machinations of my own mind that get me in trouble!

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    1. I am encased in the full Mmuumuu thing - basically its like a full swimming tent around me - whilst swimming.

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  12. Is there a link to the boots... where are the boots??? I have a boot fetish...
    Erm... but mostly I am quite good these days. I only buy things that I really, really like... I have a mental image of all the things I've bought and never worn at the forefront of my mind, this seems to keep me in check.
    Sx

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    1. Boots link up, yes boot fetish can run away on me when I'm not looking

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  13. Which navy booties?

    I don't get catalogues either, except for Ikea which shoves one through my letter box without being asked.

    How do I resist the wanting? Years of practice from having a modest income. :) That and having destructive boys who make a mockery of any nice environment I try and create. I've now given up and we are strictly functional. :)

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    1. Then I didn't find a link to them, so put in a link to random expensive ones which I would never buy...
      Sarah - functional works. I would have thought the French are less into stuff - am I right?

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    2. The French are really into stuff too. Some homes are so immaculate and beautifully decorated you're afraid to sit down and disturb the cushions!

      I had the other candidate to be maire round Friday lunchtime just before my cleaner wiped out the mess, and he said later that chez moi looked like Beirut. Oops... :D. I explained it was why I didn't invite the neighbours round for a local meeting! (The local elections are coming up and I'm involved...)

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  14. I blame it all on advertising....out of sight out of mind. Keeping those catalogues out of the house and not looking online go a long way to help keep me from spending. My big weakness now are the thrift shops which keep me entertained while looking for those amazing bargains that I just cannot resist. I allot myself a small amount of money each week for fun and frivilous purchases. Living on a reduced income and being retired helps to quell the shopping dragons!

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    1. Even the ones that are sifting in to our letterbox I try and flick through while I'm standing at recycling bin and toss them in toot sweet...otherwise tempted

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  15. no because i rarely want something and when I do even i can tell it is irrational. we all have what we need and then some and my recent move has made me wince at the sight of "stuff"!

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    1. Interviewed someone recently who lives in SF with husband and two kids in a 500sqft apartment. They left for a year to Paris, came back and when the moving van pulled up said: "What on earth is in that van. We obviously don't need any of it." They had honestly forgotten what was in it. We left London 12 years ago with only one bag of clothes and I haven't missed any of the stuff and furniture we left behind.

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  16. thanks for the mention and i like your tactics too. whatever works. i didn't even try to look at the booties. putting into practice my tricks...i already have a pair of taupe ones. they'll do. what a kill joy i am. xo

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    1. Oh taupe! OOh that would fill the gaping hole too!

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  17. I think age and moving a lot helps a lot with this wanting thing. One day I realized I really do not need any of this stuff and when I moved took only what would fit in my car, more than I needed. It never made sense to me to pay to keep things in a storage box somewhere because if it's in storage obviously you don't need it.

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    1. That's a good way to carry your stuff - only what can fit in your car. When we came over from London 11 years ago, we sold everything or gave away and only bought a suitcase of clothes. (mind you in the flats in London they supply everything even cutlery and linen so you never really built up stuff)

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  18. I don't need or want much now a days, can't take it with you.

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  19. Definitely true that Pinterest has us wanting for more and as a result we are not satisfied with what we have even though most of us have far too many clothes and bits and bobs around the house. Must pop over to see exactly how Janet 'quiets her wants' - I love that phrase!

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  20. the whole blogging thing makes my wants very transient, I know I will be obsessed for about 24 hours, but if I wait it out, I'll quickly become obsessed with something new. Weirdly by virtue of having sought out pics or found things to buy, it fulfills the need to actually acquire, so I want loads, but buy less!

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  21. I'm usually pretty good about controlling my wants. If I shop online, I leave things in my "cart" then close the computer. The shop usually reminds me several times that things are waiting for me. After several days, the monkey is off my back, I've "owned" the item long enough, in the cart, and no longer want it. Honestly, shopping for sport, was beaten out of me in my active Image Consulting Days. It's just not that fun anymore.

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    1. Ha! That's a goody, sort of like a time-share

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  22. I must say it is hard to beat the lovely feeling when you press the complete purchase button. When the confirmation email comes through you might feel guilty or think maybe it won't suit. But you can return but there is no good feeling involved in this. Once it's not an addiction and you don't overspend. I think you only live once.

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    1. Hi Inge love the poetry of the purchase button! I had to nix myself from buying over internet because somehow if it wasn't right it went into the mudroom...and stayed in the mudroom

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  23. I recently began stopping junk mail from coming. I've been amazed how this has not only reduced my wants, but my weekly trash output.

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    1. Thanks for popping by! Just headed over to yours - am fascinated by Baltimore where you live!

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  24. I only worry about my wanting....when I want something!
    Enjoy your weekend....
    Clothed in sea fog here...
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

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  25. Jody, Very timely post. I mean it's so hard not to want isn't it? With all these glam catalogs popping in, how can I not dream of having the the Pottery Barn house and lovely J Crew wardrobe? Ugh, hard right? Also I believe blogging has made it worse since so many are showing their daily outfits and all..Pinterest too!
    Getting rid of the catalogs is easy with Catalog Choice, which I did once, but they resumed eventually. Maybe it's like Janet said, you can use them for inspiration, but shop your own closet. I agree with Dani that buying for the future you is smart. I think everyone wants everything right now.

    So different from how we grew up. Shopping was for need, a few times a year. Now it's a pastime,and young people especially, are getting the message live for now, have it all now. It's wrong and we need to find fulfillment in doing rather than things. I myself have to work hard at this..So love a beautiful clothing item and so much is out there...

    My friend and I were chatting the other day and truly the best solution is not to go to the shops at all..That helps a ton. I will find something no matter where I am be it a dirt store or a mall. :D I also had to unsubscribe to many daily sale emails in my inbox..Just distracts me from working! And yes, the health club is great, but the shop there has just expanded and has great things! It's tough!

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    1. HI KIm, did you get that huge cataloge from Restoration Hardware, that was unbelievable, think there was four of them and one was like War and Peace, was going to complain then was too lazy to make the call. So much paper I kept it in our mudroom for months, then guiltily put it in the recycling. Those gyms are sneaky!!! (my mum made all our clothes growing up, we had the same things in different colours, I got the blue, Sharon got the green and Pietra got the brown because she had red hair and freckles which she is still annoyed about)

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    2. I mean she's annoyed about the brown, not the red hair and freckles, she would have my guts for garters if she read that

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  26. I cant ever stop wanting! I have a wishlist board on pinterest where i keep pinning stuff I want :)
    xx
    www.JuneWantsItAll.com

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  27. I am not worried at all...if I need something I will research online and try to get the best price possible. The 'hunt' is the best part for me. :) No catalogs for me either. I generate enough recycling as it is.

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  28. I seemed to have reached a stage when I have all I want and need other than a few rather expensive baubles that I'm not sure now that I really want.

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  29. Oh Jody-I've been away and have had so much fun catching up today. Yes you do have incredibly bendy hands, a super kind and wonderful hubs and I can't wait to hear if the suit made the cut. You've got a hell of a high kick that's for sure. As for shopping I live an hour + from even a Macys (yes we do have a few high end boutiques in Chico but I'm too cheap to pay high end prices regularly). I do online shop when I need to. If I'm doing an exhaustive, obsessive search I use Shopstyle-it can find anything and everyone that exists. Love! With the New Year I'm going through a clean out, use up phase rather than buy new. It feels good to be more thoughtful about purchases plus I can focus more resources on vacays and such. I still have a weakness for shoes-love the booties!
    xx, Heather

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  30. I worry more about the lack of wanting.
    It's rare now for me to get excited about a new garment. It used to be such a source of joy- guaranteed to yank me out of the dumps.
    However all is not lost and I have a couple of items for my cruise in May which I'm pleased with.

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  31. Well now I really, really want to see the navy booties because they sound just right for me too! Catalogues are fatal and make me buy from stores I had forgotten all about until the damn catalogue landed on the doormat. But then I have now discovered Mint Velvet over here and can't stay away and as for the White Company *drools unattractively*...

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