Monday, May 21, 2012

Teddy: My Life So Far

If pets could talk...or write...what would they say about us?

My name is Teddy the Maltese puppy. I'm three months old, pretty young to be writing one's memoirs, but so much has happened I feel it's justified.

Me with some of the "characters" 

I arrived here house a month ago -  the Cast of Characters...

The High Schooler:
Runs me around outside when he's not researching The Scores from his position on the couch. Sometimes his friends come around to play ping pong and one of them says: "Dude, you are useless!" and they fall about guffawing in what is known as the Beavis and Butthead laugh.  Then one of them says: "Dude, you're useless - and you're ugly!" and this cracks them up even more. Apparently in this world High School boys insult each other and it doesn't mean anything...and High School girls compliment each other and it doesn't mean anything.

The Tall Girl:
Just had her 11th birthday with her 15 of her closest friends which explains why I looked a bit tired and ragged in those photos. It was exhausting to dance, make lanyards and throw water balloons for three hours. Tall Girl spends a lot of time on the phone to friends she's just seen, doing capital letters and singing to songs with capital letters... TTYLXOX.

The Quiet Redhead:
Plays with me a lot. He doesn't say much, but he has a lot to text, maybe he's writing a book too.

The Short One:
Before I moved here, "Mr Cutie" as his mother calls him, reigned supreme. He runs around flat tack with a huge smile on his face...when he's not howling on the floor with tiredness. Who's the Mr Cutie now though? Bring it on kid - let the games begin!

My first bath
Me with The Short One

The Nice Dad:
Smiles and nods a lot and says a particular phrase quite often.
Dad: Oh you've dyed your hair a bit red - very nice.
Mum: Red? No, it's more of an apricot.
Dad: (Suspects he's said the wrong thing and tries to head her off at the pass) Oh and you've got an new apricot jacket.
Mum: No, she said, it's more of a nude - does it look apricot?
Dad: (quickly)Your first instincts are right on this.

Me and the BHYK Mum and her "apricot' hair and "nude" jacket

The BloodyHellYouKids Mum:
She didn't want me: Nothing else in the house that poops, she said. Now she brags to anyone who will listen how amazingly intelligent I am. I just saw her emailing her book club: "I won't be bringing Teddy to the next meeting, but if there is a dog who could read and write -  it's Teddy!" You'll be writing my blog soon, she tells me.

Can you imagine thinking a dog could write a blog post? The apricots have gone to her brain.

(If a small critter came to live with you, what would they say?)



55 comments:

  1. Oh but the small critters do come and live with me, or die I should say. That is Lady Jane proudly drops them off dead -- today it was a big beautiful bird, all the way upstairs to my office, dumped upside down as if to say, I will kill all sorts of large birds for you, just please don't leave me alone! Sorry, tmi. Anyway, love your nude jacket!!! And Teddy is brilliant (obviously)!

    xo Mary Jo

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    1. Teddy says Thanks (yes I am the weird dog lady who speaks for their animal). Lady Jane, after the nine-day Queen?

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  2. Quick question - what is running around "flat tack"? I'm thinking it might be a sailing term, but since I"m not a sailing person....

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    1. Thought it meant "really bloody fast" - think you're right - it's sailing term, but as I get seasick and don't go boating I could not confirm that. Must be a Kiwi thing to say....

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  3. Insanely precious! I would love to know what is going on in my small dogs' (yes plural possessive - because there are two little ones in addition to the large one) heads. My book club recently read The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein. It is written from the dog's perspective. Wonderful book.

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    Replies
    1. Sounds great - I will look that up...You have three dogs? Just one small one is exhausting me...

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  4. Teddy is so cute and I will swap him for two medium sized dogs who thought it was fun to bark at the moon last night!!

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    1. They would be barking more here last night - we actually had an eclipse!

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  5. Awesome.
    I loved the line about h.s. girls complimenting each other and it not meaning anything. Too true.:)

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  6. Listen, kid — if a Bear can post, a Maltese Puppy can post, too. Get your act together, will ya. I know you're only three months, but convincing yourself at this age that you cannot post is not going to help you in the real world. Unless you can use a computer, you'll be classified as illiterate, and that's not a good thing. Not at all.

    And I'm confused about this nude jacket thing. Either you're nude, or you're wearing a jacket. And whatever she says, she's wearing a jacket. Nude would look a whole lot different, and probably would't be pictured on this blog. (Heavy on the "probably.") I can see life is going to be confusing for you, living with that BHYK creature (also known to some as Jody).

    Good luck, Teddy!

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    1. "Nude" is a big word in fashion at the mo, think it qualifies designers to charge more for stuff that's not really a colour.
      Yes and you're right, you can never tell what's going to be posted here!

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  7. Oh, what a sweet little doggie.

    Just a slightly smaller version of ours, whose official name is Samo. (But I call him our little sh*t machine)

    Do you find that Teddy's drool turn his fur brown?

    On the colour (color) thing. I must stand up for The Nice Dad.
    Apricot is not a colour (color) it's a bloody fruit.
    So is Peach and Mandarin and Tangerine and Cherry and...
    Coffee is a drink.
    Cerise should be some sort of berry, Beige is for cricket only (Kiwi joke)and Arsenic is a bloody poison.

    Give a bloke a fair go!

    We only recognise:
    Brown
    Blue
    Red
    White
    And of course, Black. Go the ABs

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    Replies
    1. Yes, just got some stuff to spread on his food that takes the bacteria off his drool. Beige for cricket only? - don't know that Kiwi joke, does that mean my Kiwi-ness is fading? BTW, isn't Kiwi a colour now too? (And they now have shades of colour just for blokes, I read the other day...)

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    2. If possible, could you give me the name of the stuff you spread on his fodd?
      Sounds useful.

      Regarding the beige. Check it out here.

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    3. Called Angle Eyes. "gives your pet stain free eyes and a bright coat!" apparently.
      Checking out beige

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    4. Oh they wear beige now for cricket? I liked the white much better

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  8. What a sweet pup! I think you captured Teddy's innermost thoughts well! So cute. xo style, she wrote

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  9. okay, you are officially obsessed with your dog. I feel better since I feel the same about mine.

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  10. Very thoughtful blog for a Maltese.
    I just read recently a book titled How to Teach Relativity to Your Dog by Chad Orzel.
    Plain and clear physics tha'st easy to follow.

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  11. I could learn the basics of relativity myself at the same time.

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  12. He looks a sweetie but I suppose he still poops?

    My cat would write a very short blog: "Cushy billet, everything under control...zzzzz". :)

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  13. the typical mum....she doesn't want the cat/dog and then she falls in love with it and she loves it more than anyone in the house! hehehe

    this puppy is soo cute and it is like is says come and hug me and play with me!

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  14. Jody, Precious! Love this guy. My kids want a Teddy now. Who wouldn't fall in love with him? I have to say the goings on in your house seem very familiar.

    Oh and love the apricot- hair and jacket! (Aren't men sweet, but really clueless?)

    xo

    Kim

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  15. I love being at my parents' home and watching all the animals interact with their distinct personalities.... seems like Teddy has quite the personality as well!

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  16. Jody,

    This is so funny and I can relate as my husband has purchased a second English Springer 8 months ago so we now have a puppy and a senior (12 yr old). They poop, require walks, and shed everywhere so I keep them contained. They have their own voices too :) and as much of a "pain" as they are .. they create a wonderful vibe in our home. My kids are much older than yours but I remember the chaos when they were younger. Four kids and a dog is a house-full!

    leslie

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  17. This post is AMAZING!

    My husband and I have played the game of "if our pets could talk, what celebrity voice would they have."

    We're both convinced Scrapple, our Frenchie, would have Jimmy Durante's voice.

    But we are split on our Pit mix, Bella. I think she would talk like Katherine Hepburn. He thinks Sigourney Weaver.

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    Replies
    1. Teddy would like to think he's Daniel Graig, but with his tiny little bark, he's more like Lily from the Modern Family.

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  18. Sounds like the perfect family to me, adorable little pup and all ! xx

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  19. Oh this post is so adorable and so is that darling puppy!!

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  20. Such a great post. It's amazing how dogs can have such a great impact on families. I bet you find it difficult to remember life before this little ball of fluff.

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  21. Teddy you are gorgeous...and lucky to live where you do, and with such lovely people.
    Jody, we have, after much persuasion by a daughter who is now away at Uni., two cats, that she was 'going to look after and brush and feed and they will be adorable and you will love them honestly' ......and of course she is now not here and we have them........wish we didn't but she was right we do love them. As for speaking? they are cats, I doubt they would deign to speak to us mere mortals!
    Your hair looks fabulous...but I can't see any sign of red.....

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  22. Teddy is adorbs! Ok - glad to know I am not the only one who's completely lost their marbles due to the overwhelming love they have for their pooch. Not saying that YOU have completely lost your marbles though! Ha!

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  23. The boys being rude to each other and the girls complimenting each other (and not meaning it). This is spot on over in the UK too in high school.

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  24. LOVE THIS.
    {kona would surely say- GET OFF OF THAT DAMN COMPUTER AND PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY WITH ME!!!!!!!!}

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  25. Bless. I'm still missing my dog. Actually scratch that, sometimes I'm sure he's still with me.

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  26. Would you consider a swap with a very large ginger tom cat who moults like fury and brings in dead animals the whole time (and live ones too?) *maybe not...*

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  27. ohmygosh, teddy is sooooo cuteee! :D

    <3, Mimi
    http://whatmimiwrites.blogspot.com/
    $100 Shopbop Gift Card Giveaway -- Open internationally!

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  28. Mine would ask if Teddy could come over to do a post so mom could get some sleep. She stayed up til 3 a.m. for one and she has to get up to go to work. Now I have to lay with my butt facing her tonight because she rushed off and either forgot or didn't have time to give the treat that was promised. :(

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  29. What a sweet and lovely puppy...I want one like it.

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  30. Teddy is SO CUTE - I can't believe how sweet he is, and he looks so tiny having a bath! He's lucky to have a lovely family like yours - oh, and I love your nude jacket v. much. I have nominated you for an AWARD over at my blog. xxx

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  31. Aww, Teddy is quite a character! :)
    Ada

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  32. Oh he is beyond adorable, mine would say , 'more walks please"
    I hate walking.

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  33. First - "and High School girls compliment each other and it doesn't mean anything" cracked me up - so true. My daughter is 26 now but I remember those girls.
    I have a 7 month old puppy, she's not small, just hit 47 lbs, much to my dismay but I'm hopelessly in love with her.
    I think she wishes I had a real grandchild so I would stop treating her like one :)

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  34. Teddy is adorable! I love your nude jacket and your hair is fab:)
    ~Anne

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  35. Teddy you are one lucky and cute pup!
    Love Di ♥

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  36. Your little Teddy is a cutie! LOL! I'll note down all these strange tween/teen euphemisms. I'll sure it won't be long before I have to deal with the same issues.

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  37. awwww so cute!! I have two Maltese dogs, they are the sweetest!!!

    XOXO

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  38. Great post! I love your analysis of Betty's binge eating! I am an overeater when I'm stressed or super tired... which has been most of the time lately! xo style, she wrote

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